Grim reaper tales

[Admin]

Sensation of dying or fading

last night, or early this morning, since it's still the same day, I did indeed have the sensation of dying, or it felt more like 'fading out'.

It felt like this.

Heart to weak to pump blood...ahh..

Hmm

It was like body trying to put me in deep sleep all morning, as if heart was weak, and as such the sleep I was being pulled into felt permanent, which of course instinctively makes you fight it by moving around, wiggling, ect.

It's like even if you are OK with dying, your bodies job is to keep you alive, and so when something doesn't feel right, as in a sleep deeper than normal, you react, cause your body wants you to live even if you're OK with fading out....in other words you panic.

I mean there's sleep, and then there's 'bodies going to shut you down' type of sleep.
Hard to explain unless you've been there.

And it's not a heart attack type of thing, cause heart attacks are painful (from what I read), rather it's more like a 'someone is turning off the light switch' or breaker switch in your body and you just slip into a sleep so deep, that you cannot wake up from unless conscious enough to still be aware.

And to be quit honest with you I'm still in that 'state'.

Something is trying to pull me into 'death', or deadness.
Is it an illness I don't know about? Since I never go to the doctor.

Is it a alergic reaction to some food ingredient?
I don't know, I just know there's no pain, just a deep sleep suction feeling as if under anesthesia or something, like how they dope you up right before an operation.

And I'm not brave enough to just 'let go'..I"m just not, but if it catches me when in to weak a state to resist, than oh well..

I'll be one of those 'They died in their sleep' statistics.

Oh, and during this process, I don't see no light, no angels, no demons, nothing, totally nothing, just a sense of complete isolation and lonliness, and or darkness (probably cause the room is dark cause it only happens at night)

Out of body type experience?...no

It just feels as if my body wants me to die, but in a painless manner.

Or maybe not my body, but something in my body.

I don't know, hard to explain.

[Admin]

I've got security camera in room, I think I'll activate it, that way if something does happen, it'll be on video.
But here's the thing, cam only responds to movement, so if say I pass away, but no movement, than cam will not record.
And if place it on 'constant record', that'll drain all the memory and battery in the even nothing happens.

Either way, I'll activate it.

[Admin]

Just think when you do die, like trillions of earth years go by in a flash, even though eath wouldn't even still be here even if did regain consciousness somewhere else a million years from now, but point is is it would go by in seconds.

[Admin]

At times, just not sure why I'm still here...I know that sound ungrateful, maybe it is, but just being honest.
Not sure what purpose I'm serving anymore.
No one likes me, I have no friends, no small feet's, haven't accomplished anything big or even small in life.
Yet, I'm still here...hmm

[Admin]

I feel that the grim reaper starts coming at you in many ways prior to your physical demise.