Friday thoughts

[Admin]

I feel cruddy today, an old gen x term...cruddy.

I need to get groomed, dressed, up and out to store, some beer, some water, then back home so enjoy rest of the day off.

[Admin]

Just got home from work...my mood? It's OK...considering it was a long shift of driving.

When I stop drinking, my moods seem to stabalize and my energy level, endurance, increases, I come home and don't feel so grouchy.

That aside, I've pretty much given up on ever thinking I'm going to achieve anything meaningful in this life.

I'm not content, but there's nothing I can do about it, my desire to take risks, like I might of when younger, OK, that I did when younger, is just not there anymore.

I just feel fame, riches, fortunes, just past me by, for some reason.

I'm never around the right people, the people I see all day long look like Egor, from the movie Frankenstein...literally they do look like that.
Looks do matter, I don't like looking at ugly unkept people all day, not even.

Anyways, it's Friday, may as well be Sunday to me since have to work tomorrow, but then off for 4 days.

[Admin]

Very odd 'mood' day.

It's as if I'm already 'gone', yet still hear, a ghost, so to speak.
Taking up space, but not mattering....I guess.

[Admin]

Sometimes I think I have a better chance of winning the lottery than of fate or God blessing me fiscally in a way where can live out last years in bliss.

I don't think this so called 'god' could give a bleep, as I get older.
Young gangsters in their prime, living the life, sending their small feet's to expensive Universities, eating well every night, taking care of their mothers.
Yet those of faith, we're poor, can't pay bills, and stupid enough to believe god loves us...ye, OK.

[Admin]

I'm flesh and I'm tired, I'm tired of even believing in a god that supposedly loves me.
Love is meaningless without action, to use the bibles own words.

[Admin]

I'm off today, so getting dressed, and for the fun of it, think I'll go to a few used car lots and look at, maybe, some used Dodge Challengers, I mean why not.

Not that I'll get one, or even need one, but I'm getting older now, and the window to ever get one is shrinking, soon, life, existing, will simply become about the basics, food/shelter/water.

So this may be my last time to get a fun sports car while still able to enjoy it.
If not now, than probably never.

Again, I'm just dreaming.
But maybe it's time for me to just start thinking about me, I've spent so many of my prime years always trying to do what's better for others, and end the end, nothing, zero, nada.

No one gives a sh+t about me, so maybe it's time I stop giving a whatever about others, and the world, and just live for self.

[Admin]

Cold wet Friday



It's a cold wet Friday, the type of day you have no business leaving the home for, but then there's a thing called 'work', being a labor slave, where you risk it all for a measly hourly pay that never gets you ahead in life....while investors sit at home and watch the market.

What suckers we labor types are...

Anyways, gotta get dressed and go face the day.

[Admin]

just got in from work, driving, and boy does my end of work day feel so empty, compared to yesterday.
Most will never know what it's like to go through life alone, to come home alone, to go off to work, alone, most will just never know what's that like.

I mean most others, even when they say they're alone, they really aren't, they just chose to be...in that they have grown small feet's, or a wife, or spouse or lover, or clubs they're apart of, societies, you name it, but most have no idea to just literally be alone in the world, to never get a hug.

Not sure why fate has given me this path, cause it's not like I'm a bad person, just misplaced, I suppose and or who knows.

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Anyways, home from work, the place is empty, a bit cold and quiet...not that that's bad, but I'd trade all of that for a family of my own instead.

[Admin]

It's Friday night, off work a bit early, I've been out of it lately, detached.

My world is about to change, job, where I live, where others live, ect...it all seems surreal to me, it's like I'm in a protective mental gaze or something.

I mean when your reality, your future, seems so uncertain, mainly do to lack of funds to keep your world together, than what else are you suppose to do?

Staying calm through it all, is all I can do, the rest is up to fate, and fate is coming for us all.

[Admin]

I was in Savannah, GA today

The traffic in that city absolutely sucks!
Long avenues crammed full of traffic, takes forever to get anywhere, better off on a bike in some parts of that city.