Monday

[Admin]

Is there any way for me to salvage this day?
The mornings pretty much gone...I drank to many beers yesterday night, and now the after effects have owned me all morning.
Only 30 minutes left till noon.

No more beer, I know I keep saying that, but for real, no more beer, it's just to disruptive to my life now and what I'm trying to accomplish.
There's no upside to me drinking anymore, none.

[Admin]

Just got up.
Not in the most positive mood.
I think what we eat has a lot to do with our moods.
I think the chemicals they put in meat, or foods in general, can effect our moods.

I ate popcorn before going to bed in the early morning.

Anyways, regardless, I just don't feel so hopeful about anything this Monday morning.
And I haven't had a drink in 7 days, yet I woke up feeling down and right near depressed, as if nothing ever will work out, and that I'm just fooling myself thinking otherwise.

I just woke up feeling like 'Why am I even still here?'...as in what purpose could I have anymore, if ever had one.

Bill Gates had, has purpose, Trump has, had purpose, Miles Davis, the trumpet player had purpose, Jimmie Hendrix had purpose, heck, even Elvis had purpose...what purpose do I have, heck my YT videos don't even get views anymore, and my art matters to no one...or at least it's not allowed to be seen do to control of view distribution by google and other online valves that make common people undiscoverable anymore.

The internet was fun a decade ago cause everyone was discoverable...not anymore, greed and commerce has taken over the internet and slimmed it up...as in slime.

Anyways, first order of business is I gotta go to the bank and get debt card activated again cause I thought I lost my wallet on Saturday night, when it was actually in the fridge....I was so upset I even cursed god.

Now I gotta go to the bank and stand around folks that will annoy the hell out of me, and I'm sure me them as well.

It's Monday, yuk.




www.spreaker.com/episode/52762339

[Admin]

Monday realities



What a wasteful but necessary wasteful morning.

Lost wallet over the weekend, then found it in fridge after a cancelled cards...so this morning had to go to bank to re-activate card/get new one...
First place their card printer broke, so had to drive to other place = waste of time.

But finally got what I needed...a new debt card with a new number.
And it's good to reset your card at least once a year anyways to prevent forgotten withdrawals and renewals you forgot about.

Everyone leaches off of your card, our numbers are floating around there everywhere, department stores, Walmart, corner stores...
I need to go back to just paying cash when shopping locally.

Anyways, it's Monday and I'm already behind and feel drowsy even though drank some energy coffee drink and protein drink, yet already feel drowsy...probably cause they put so much sugar in those drinks.
As such I will lay down and take a quick nap to reset thy mind, soul and body.

[Admin]

So for on this Monday..

1. Short bike ride, exercise, walked, stretched.

2. Went to herbal store downtown and got some herbs for
a. skin and hair
b. over all energy, maybe even Viagra alternative...I doubt it.

And one other item.

Spent like 93 dollars, but real natural herbs aren't cheap, and you can never invest to much in your own health, especially colon and guy health.

And rather be poor and healthy than rich and sick.

If income poor, I can still have fun in life, can still enjoy nature, walk, talk, see, hear, play in the sand.

But if rich and sick, stuck inside in a bed or wheel chair with butt and body sores.

So yeah, to me, health comes before everything else while alive and on this earth.

[Admin]

It's Monday



It's Monday.
I worked out late yesterday evening in the dark, but woke up this morning feeling more like I had a hangover than that I had worked out the previous night.
Body chemistry is just weird like that.

Well, I'm going to workout again after this, why not, what else can I do with my anxioty other than workout.
Drink? Hell no, not right now, that would just make things worse, like putting your head in the sand.

Right now, the best thing for me to do is to stand up to reality and just face it 'as is', ugliness and all, just face it, get punched in the face by it.

People are ugly, the human condition is ugly.
The person who acts the nicest on the surface is ugly and harbors deep down or even surface biases and bigotry towards others.
There's actually no reason for Jesus to have died for anyone on this planet, we're just flesh, we age, get sick, and rot like all other lifeforms.

We manipulate truths and stories to fit our own needs, we are an ugly species, our natures are ugly, period.
---------------------------------

Heck, even people who claim to know Jesus are ugly and vile and bigoted and mean and scared on the inside and use 'Jesus' and the gospel to slay others.

Anyways, nothing much any of us can do unless lucky enough to be surrounded by friends and family that value you.

And with that, it's time to go work off some anxioty and workout for a bit.

[Admin]

Amazing how I'm able to waste such large swaths of the day doing absolutely nothing of significance



I think I'm the worst waster of time ever, or near it.
Suns already going down, I've done nothing all day, other than waddle with self...wow.

And still got stuff to do, rent, this and that, none of it's fun.
I drank last night, and still worked out today.

Please slow down time...time moves to fast, or mans scheduling of time does.
It's mans fast paced world that stresses me out, not so much time.

Anyways, better get busy with next thing on the to do list.
it's still summer, today was a holiday, the Russian Ukraine battle continues.

And generally, people still suck.

It's Monday.

[Admin]

Monday



I believe in male beauty on here, and if a male of color, all the more cool since males of color are usually portrayed in the media as, well, you know.

If women can wear pants, and fly fighter jets, and play basketball and race in NASCAR and do the rodeo, than bi gosh men can look cute, if they so chose.

Anyways, it's Monday...yuk.

[Admin]

Don't be fooled by the hearts in the gif...I'm not really loving today, not even...not hating it either though, rather did my best to avoid it by laying with self in bed most of the day and by keeping all telecommunication devices off and or not responding to any, to include emails.

My current reality is that I don't know what's going to happen from week to week now...or where I could be living just a month or two from now, or where I'll be working, so yeah, lot's of uncertainty right now.

I just kind of melted today do to all the stress of it...and then people still want your money....schools, courses, this and that, but if go broke no one will give a dam about you...they don't now, but at least if they sense you have money they make you feel important.

Also, I think drinking, along with taking half dose V type pills, just kind of messed with my mood, or inner body chemistry...so I'm dry now, I need to clean out my system and get my mood and mind back.

After I post this, I'll create a 'to do list' and face all the media, email and texts, that I so tried avoiding earlier today.

I've never been more afraid of or weary of the future than I am now...I just literally don't know what's next or how I'll handle it.

I go through things alone, and so that makes it more scary...moving, alone, is scarier than moving with a friend or family or anyone.
Moving alone, all by yourself, can be horrifying....but you have to act brave for yourself.

Anyways, let me stop before I depress myself by thinking about it.

It's still Monday, weeks go by so quick now, seems like yesterday was also last Monday.
if I didn't keep track of the days on here it would all just be a blur.

[easyrider]

Monday's here, and near almost already gone.
I slept in late, as usual.
Haven't done a dern thing yet today other than workout...as usual.

But you have to keep fit, even if life is seemingly falling apart around you, you have to stay fit through it all, cause at least with me, if you fall, not a soul on this whole wide planet will ever ever help you stand back up again...I mean absolutely no one....not a solitary soul.

Anyways, what now?

A call maybe?
Waste of time...anyone can listen, very few ever help.

It's Monday.