Today

[Admin]

It's Friday.
I got like over 5 things charging at once in various outlets...from camera batteries to mics, to phones and a tablet.
The use of electricity or the harnessing of it is indeed a modern day scientific gift, or curse, depending on how one looks at it.

For the large part electricity remained elusive but for the last 120 years or so.
Amazing how so much tech only came into existance around 120 years ago, as if planned.

[Admin]

Haven't really done a dern thing all day other than lay in bed playing with self while watching 3 and 4 dimensional art.

I did get in a brisk workout, in the sun and heat.

I realize you don't need a professional gym, gyms are outside everywhere,,,posts, guardrails, bridges, trees, anything you can tug on, or get leverage from is a gym.
Or even climbing a tree, which is something I haven't tried in a decade or more.


I got a ton of stuff to get done, but none of it's fun, and that's why i stall.
Today's a holiday, don't know which one.

I'm basically all alone in this world, have been for quite some time...you just get used to it.

Anyways, time to get started on the 'to do list'.

[Admin]

Yep, it's Friday alright



Yep, it's Friday alright, and by gosh, I'm still here, some how, some way, I'm still here and still apart of this conscious stream.

That being said, this morning got up and fried some eggs...I think it's the first time I've done that since my other apartment caught fire.
The stove top oven I use now is out of wack. They heating elements are all dysfunctional, and only go super hot or off.

And my a/c fan won't turn off, so have to turn the breaker off.
Not sure how much longer I'll be here so haven't made any maintenance requests.

Took a late night walk last night, it was slightly raining, more like drizzling, had umbrella with me. It was a nice relaxing walk.
I just can't come home and stay cramped up inside, I don't know how people do it, come home and just stay inside the whole time...not me, I gotta movie, walk, bike.
Anyways, after this will groom, get dressed and go to the store and spend money.
Then, who knows, I don't have the most exciting life...I'll probably study, and finish film school related stuff.
Film school my azz, more like film sham, online course.
I pay the salaries of others and in turn I get nothing...oh well.

It's Friday, I'm here, so may as well live while alive.

[Admin]

Thursday



Today, hmm.

I wake up today with a sense of dread, dread of running out of time and money.
You can only be free when you have money, without money you become another persons slave...period.

That's just how it's been set up in this modern world.
And I really don't want to become another persons slave anymore, not at my age.
There is no job or career I want anymore, other than to write.

I'm going to have to stop being lazy now and grow, mature a bit if I hope to forge a future for myself, what's left of it, that won't drive me insane.

And so I will have some coffee, or make some, and get work doing what I have to do.
I have a phone call meeting today at 2 pm with some screenwriting coach...but if I accept, it's not free.

Nothing is free, but it's up to me to get the most out of what I'm paying for.

I wish I could win the lottery and just didn't have to do anything.

I've been out of work and taking online courses for last 6 months, and the idea of going back to work horrifies me.

Anyways, maybe I'll apply for unemployment soon, something I've never done in my whole life...but they make it so hard and complex to do so online...and I lost all my passwords when last place I live at got destroyed by fire and water and ash.

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Anyways, the day is here, time to man up, person up, spirit up, motivation up...I've got to find it, cause no one else will find it for me.

[Admin]

I don't ever load my mind with to much information, incoming info that could stress me out.
I set my own pace...that pace may seem slow to some, but it's fine by me, as of now.

[Admin]

Today is here, and well, I feel as if I've been hit with the reality check hammer.



Not a good feeling, nor that bad, it's just a realistic evaluation of my current reality type of feeling.
No booze in my system, so there's no 'false hope' type of bravado...just cold hard reality.

In fact, my physical health is the last thing I'm worried about right now, it's pretty decent, been working out a lot lately, twice a day, just light workouts though, mainly cardio workouts, biking, walking, stretching, and if anything, working out provides temporary escape.
In fact, will probably workout again, after I write out a few more thoughts.
But yeah, I just pretty much got up, after finally going to bed/sleep around 4 am, got stuck watching those reality jail/prison shows.
That's one good thing, I suppose, is I'm not in jail or dealing with that crap...and if I did ever go to jail, I'd have no one to call upon to bail me out.

But that's the last thing on my mind right now...in fact, jail life is simple compared to having to deal with the real every day life and bills, and survival all while walking a straight line.
A lot of people in jail/prison, are there cause they couldn't, infact, handle the stuff myself and others have to go through on a daily basis out here in the real world of stones and arrows.

Anyways, like I said, I need to go workout to work off some of this tension.

It's Thursday already again...wow...time is definitely not my friend right now.

[Admin]

It's Friday



I am genuinely shocked that today's Friday, I really am.
I thought it was maybe Wednesday, or even Tuesday, but for it to be Friday already? WT whatever...

What happened to Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday?
I don't even remember living those days, like a time warp or something.

Friday, already?

Hmm.

I'm just not cut out for this world anymore, things are moving to fast and I'm unprepared for the future, not sure if I'll ever be prepared for the future.
I feel doomed right now.
It's like my brain is just not conditioned to succeed.
Short attention span, terrible at math and small calculations.
I'm just an optimistic dreamer and an under achiever.
Alone and socially isolated the majority of the time.

I'm just not prepared for the future.
And I'm good at wasting gobs of time, as evident I didn't realize it was already Friday.

Anyways, I need to get my bike tire repaired before the weekend arrives.
Riding my bike is one of the few pleasures I still get now days, which is why the tire went flat.

Whatever you like, enjoy, better believe evil will try to take it away from you.

It's Friday...my gosh, slow down time.

[Admin]

Just got back from bike shop where guy repaired or replaced flat tire.
Then when got back, happen to look out winder and see where lights on car were on, like the orange lights under the headlights...seemed brighter than usual, and sure enough the engine was on and running...odd

1. Either I hit engine start on my key chain when drove away in other vehicle.
2. I never turned the engine off last time I got out of the car.
3. Someone else started the car with their own remote key, either by accident or on purpose.

Either way, it's kind of upsetting in that not good for a cars engine to just run, while sitting, or to idle, while stationary, especially when hot out.
Now, just because of that I may go change the oil in it just to be safe, which will cost me around 50 bucks or so....but would be worth it for peace of mind, cause I have no idea how long that engine was running like that.
Could of been overnight, but I think I would have noticed those lights last night, even though I didn't look directly at the car.

I'll test theory one, and see if I'm able to remotely start car with key chain.

Either way, evil, the devil, etc and whatever, is always going after what few things you have in this world or own, that bring you sanity, and that you enjoy.

Evil just doesn't seem to be happy or content until you're dead, gone, buried and no more, and it slowly tries to get you there, piece by piece, the minute you're born, and sometimes even before you're born.

[Admin]

Continued from above

Well, I drove car to Jiffy Lube, and they looked at the oil, it was near perfect, half synthetic, and the level was near perfect, so I didn't get any new oil...very odd.

I don't know...life is odd.
I think there are spirits that either live within us, or around us, that just make odd things happen, quirky things, that you have no physical evidence of their presence, but you just know when somethings 'off', or rigged.

Happens to everyone, but hard to explain to others when it happens to you.

Anyways, it's Friday and I've done a good job at wasting most of the useful day so far.
Leave it to me to just waste gobs and gobs of time.

[Admin]

My problem is I don't think I really wake up until around 3 pm and later...I stay up late, wake up late.

And I feel odd today.
I feel I need to just step out of here for a bit to reset my mind.
To snap out of whatever mental shackles I'm in, sometimes just driving around can do that...but where I live all the people are ghetto and ugly, and drop trash everywhere, so you have to like drive 40 miles to get away from urban ghetto types who junk up whatever areas they live in...trails, sidewalks, parking lots.

If not for the white man picking up trash, certain people would drown in their own trash piles...who lives like that?

They just throw trash out onto the street like animals, yes animals!
And us cleaner types have to see that crap every day, is why I so badly wanted to move away from this area but made other decisions...stupid azz me.