Today

[Admin]

Today

Today

[Admin]

I wasted a good day.
I could of used the day in a better way, but also could of used it in a worse way.
Spent most of afternoon sleeping and dreaming, I guess that's not to bad, considering it could have been worse when compared to how maybe other peoples 'today' has gone.

[Admin]

It's Tuesday



It's Tuesday, and I'm not gonna lie, I feel like utter crap right now.
My mood is off, my bodies chemistry, or physiological balance feels off as well.
And on top of that parts of my body aches...I'm just a mess today.
And it's probably only going to get worse, phycologically and even fiscally, and in other ways.

Also, I have no one to lean on for comfort, not a soul, yet still trying to do the right thing for 'devils'.

I've learned this, and that is you cannot ever please devils, ever.
Devils hate you unconditionally. You'll go broke trying to please devils, and then what?

As I sit here typing this, at this moment, I just feel doomed.
Next week, I have to go somewhere I don't want to go, but when drunk/drinking, I booked a ticket out of impulse.
The devil is also in the 'bottle', and then gets ahold of your mind and makes you do stupid things you later regret.

Right now, I have no answers or solutions, other than to try to reclaim my body, my health, my mind and my spirit, cause that's my only defense in this world.

Health is everything, without health, and not being loved, than one may as well just roll over and die.
But I'm to healthy to roll over and die, so until then will continue to get tormented by this world, my world, and those I was cursed to be born around.

[Admin]

Been sitting around for days now, waiting, just waiting on something grand to happen, if it happens at all.
Good things usually just don't happen to me, so like a dream, I'm expecting to wake up at the last minute, or things go wrong at the last minute...would fit right into the pattern of my life.

[Admin]

When I workout, my body responds decently, it's just before and after, that well, sometimes muscle pain or soreness can be felt.

Also, workouts don't really improve my mood, hope, hope for the future is what changes your mood.

But without hope, it's like working out on a ship that's sinking, sure, your fine for the moment, but what about tomorrow?

[Admin]

Today, yuk



Today, yuk...not sure what to do with it yet, nor am I prepared for it.
Why can't time just sit still?

I shouldn't of drank last night, but just felt lonely...
I drink mainly out of loneliness, if at all anymore, but got to find a way not to feel lonely so I don't drink, cause drinking sucks, and is terrible for the body, mind and spirit.

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Have a phone meeting in a few hours, wish I could cancel it, and might.
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Anyways, time to get up...it's like I'm stuck between getting up and not wanting to.
Sure, I'm up, but now what?

Just not feeling today yet.

[Admin]

If fate isn't on your side, sometimes it just seems your efforts always add up to nothing.

[Admin]

Today's an emotional weird one.
Started off at the VA clinic, and now, I don't know.

Seems no matter how hard I try to normalize myself for the sake of fitting in, that it just doesn't work.
Either attract misfit types or no one at all.

My efforts to be normal, stable, just seem to matter not.
Or somehow I end up getting in the graces of devils, who lie, who aren't honest, so you end up wasting your time in their orbit.
And they bury you, hide you, hide your talent out of jealousy.
I've come to really hate these times who play with your time and energy.

Anyways, what can I do about it other than to continue living until I can't anymore.

Screw this world, and all the people in it, is how I feel at times...why not, they certainly do, have done, the same to me.

[Admin]

It's like everyone around me is dead, or at least dead to me.

[Admin]

It's feeling like this that has made me want to drink in the past...but then I realized all I was doing is killing myself, slowly.

So now, maybe as a way of getting my revenge, I stay healthy, or try to, and have all but cut back or down or given up booze.

Oh well, again, what can I do about it other than stay busy and healthy...the rest is really up to fate.