Wasted days and wasted nights

[Admin]

Usually it's things, interests, outside of trucking that have kept me going in the past, but lately, I feel flat.

Seems every thing I try is a bust.

In the process of writing and getting books published, but so far no success, no money, and I don't trust the first publisher, is why having book republished.

It just seems everyone is a greedy crook, no matter how they look, or their title.

Thugs on the streets are violent when they rob you, but white-collar types will rob you with kindness and broken promises and scams.

[Admin]

There's just something about getting off work, and arriving home.
I think it's one of the closet feelings to heaven on Earth.

Just the process of it, sometimes the process of getting off and arriving home can actually be more thrilling than when actually home.

That sense of freedom, that sense that you can be you again, and cut the leash of employment off.

Just depends on what you do folks, as I've said many times, there are many who do actually love their jobs, careers, and good for them, but there are many who do not.

There are many who have basically 'skilled out' of their jobs, have done it so long that it's just become mindless labor to us.

And I'm at the age now where there is no 'super duper' job anymore, rather I pick jobs now based on how much time I get off between shifts.
The years of me wanting to rise up and prove myself are over.

Now the things I do enjoy, sadly, I don't get paid for, not yet anyways.
I love radio and book writing, art, any type of expression, I should of went into showbiz.

[Admin]

I also notice the effects of driving, or the things I eat while 'out there', have the same effect on my body as beer does in that I allows gain weight on my shift

It's only when I'm off for a few days, do I really start losing weight, but while working, driving and eating, during shift cycles, I always seem to come back a few pounds heavier...I guess eating two dunkin donut donuts today doesn't help.

But when you drive, you get bored, and eating makes you feel less lonely, just ask any driver.

[Admin]

It's Friday, I'm wworking, but at home right now cause the time between last stop, and time next load avaailable is many hours, and I'm not going to sit in a day cab that won't idle for like 5 hours, hell no.

At first drove truck to my place, that would of been the most convient, but then when get here they're painting the place, so didn't want paint getting on truck so drove back to drop year...oh well.

There's just to many people scurring about out there in society, on the roads, I can't stand it...if didn't have to drive for a living deliverying essentials, I'd hardly ever drive.

From the traffic, you can't even tell 1 million people past away from covid, i guess they've been replace by a million more immigrants.

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Came home and some painter dude was on my porch, very annoying, but hey, they're just doing their job.

The only people I see doing contract work now are spanish speaking....

You rarely, at least where I'm at, see younger B males into the trades..
You see white guys into the trades still, but usually in more upscale places.

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Well I've got about 2 hours to linger around...then have to head back out and finish shift.

[Admin]

Now that Mark Levin and Shawn Hannity and Brian Kilmead from Fox, have helped destroy Ukraine, all they can do now is offer prayers

[Admin]

Just got in from a long day, and don't have much left as far as intellectual thoughts...have to work again tomorrow.
When working, is when I feel most dead and useless to self.

[Admin]

Ordered like 500 business cards, but changed my phone number a few days ago and forgot that I had ordered business cards with other number on them, now I have 500 business cards with the wrong number on them...oh well.

[Admin]

I spoke with a cc-worker yesterday, we ran up at a fuel station, and well they told me they chose to work or were coming off of a 5 day work week, and mind you the job I have, or we have, it's lots of driving, sure you're home at end of shift, but what's your body care, driving is driving to your body and health.

Also, at this job, 5 days is not mandated, it has to be requested, and sure the money is much better than if only working 3-4 days, but my gosh, the dude looked fat, red and sickly, and just plain spent.

Sorry, but my health matters more to me than extra money like that, if I really needed extra money like that I'd have to earn doing something other than driving, on my days off.

I just don't know how they do it, I guess their monthly bills are so high they have no choice, in their minds other than to torment themselves with extra days.

Not me, I'll go homeless, again, and be healthy before I destroy my health and joy by doing something I don't like.

[Admin]

Normally I'm strong, but today, this morning, as i have to go back to dull dry day job, I feel depleted...squashed, emotionally that is in that was into something I so loved for the last few days (radio), and then to be yanked away from that to go back to an emotionally flat stale work environment of driving, is devistating to me right now.

To go from mattering to being in an environment that you're a nobody in really does suck.

and to then work in an environment around people who are equally as flat, dull, bland and dry on the inside as trucking is to me right now.
The contrast is astounding.

I'm not in a good spot right now emotionally, no worries, I'll get over it, I have no choice but to.
Radio, although fun and fulfilling, just doesn't pay the bills yet or now, so I still need the steady income that this day job gives me.

JUst going through morning time blues, that's all, cause today's kind of my Monday.

[Admin]

And odd how the most beautiful tune on alarm clock can sound beautiful at first, but after a few weeks of waking up to it, the melody then becomes associated with work, and then begins to sound ugly and tormenting.