Wasted days and wasted nights

[Admin]

I hate that I hate trucking, cause if still loved trucking, I could earn over 5 grand or more a month

I hate the fact that I hate trucking now, or the environment, I should say.

Cause if still had a passion for trucking, like did years ago, I'd be rich, to put it simply.

But I absolutely hate the trucking enviornment..I hate it!!

And sure, I'd be making a ton of money, but at what cost to my spirit?

Don't believe me, here's on example of the kind of money drivers can make these days with Amazon and others..jacksonville.craigslist.org/trp/d/jacksonville-money-oriented-drivers-are/7541550718.html

And yes, that's real, cause I'm currently semi connected to Amazon through a 3rd party...but I'm employee and not owner or contracter.

I'm home daily.

But if willing to lease a truck and be out there on the road, I could run hard for a few years, then buy a house, land and ect.

But I just can't....cause I hate that whole trucking environment, of being diminished and made to feel like a nobody.

[Admin]

I felt like I was in hell today, while in truck.
The thing about driving, once you start your long shift, and are like 150 miles away from where you started, you can't just stop, like if in an office, and excuse yourself.
Maybe if you have a sleeper truck you can park and sleep for a few, but in a day cab, no.

So if in middle of shift, you get a headache, stomache ache, or backache, you have no choice but to endure until shift is over, cause if not, what are you going to do?...sit at a rest area?

Trucking is becoming agonizing for me...sure I'm home daily when I do work, but still, your health has to be good or even a 300-400 round trip can seem like hell.

I really do need to give this up, either that or make other changes to my life to make the driving part not seem so bad.
Other things that effect my health.

[Admin]

Time to head off into hell, I mean work



Why me god, why me?

[Admin]

You get to a point in your life that if people, anything, isn't helping you achieve your goals, aims, desires, you just stop giving a f about it or anything they have to say

I spent my earlier years always trying to help others achieve their goals and aims in life, always offering to pay for this or that, even to start college...but yet no one has ever returned the favor to me, ever!...not since being grown anyways.

So now, as I age, and have fewer years in front of me to live, to be healthy, I just don't give a whatever about anyone or thing, or matters, that don't help me, aren't interested in me, achieving my own goals and aim in life.

It's just all noise to me now.. If you don't love me, you're noise.

[Admin]

Ye, bottom line is I'm just tired of caring about things, or people, who don't care about me.

When alone, you're perspective changes on a lot of things.

Most of us so trained to be servants to the devil.

[Admin]

When alone, you realize everything is fake....and or biological, well, biology isn't fake, biology is real actually, feelings are real to the one having the feelings...and in the end, feelings is all that really matters to a person, everyone is driven by how they feel.

Feelings are 'their world', regardless of whether you acknowledge their feelings or not.

I should of been a phycologist.

[Admin]

I have to work 4 long days in a row, starting tomorrow, which is worse than hell to me.
I don't care about the extra money, what the fck is extra money anymore at my age?

It's like getting paid to be tortured.
I mean if the money I've earned all my life up to this point still has me basically poor, than wtf is extra holiday money going to do for me now!
I don't need the money, what I need is my mind and freedom to pursue other things, activities, that feed my soul.

[Admin]

I hate trucking now, and I don't like the newer people, no personality people who have come into it, some of the most boring azz, flat, personalities to have to work around.

[Admin]

Technology and automatic trucks, have taken the soul out of trucking.

[Admin]

What do you do when you find out the vehicle or truck you're driving around in all day, maybe even living in, could be slowly killing you?