Wasted days and wasted nights

[Admin]

The idea of going back OTR makes me upset and tense

I don't have anymore years to waste out there.

When home, 9-5, you get back in habit of actually being able to do things when off work, other than staying caged up in back of cab.

And todays truck stops have zero entertainment, no pool rooms, video game rooms, gyms, nothing, so when off work, all you basically can do is sit in truck, which is loud.

I like being home daily, after shift, being able to shop, drive to store, go out on balcony, chat with people I know, lay on couch and have a long restful night of sleep.

Have access to fresh produce, and to be able to use own gym in place, treadmill, weights and more.

You give all that up when OTR.

It's just not fun anymore, there's nothing out there anymore, times have changed.

And you're made more lonely by watching families drive past you all day on the road, it just reminds you how lonely you really are out there.

And if single, forget about meeting anyone out there.

It's not like old days when could bob tail into local town and hang out, try that now and you'll get fired, so all you can do is sit hooked up to trailer when off duty...ye, that's real fun.

And truckers aren't 'chatty' anymore, more like angry recluses.

Gotta cut this short

[Admin]

Stress is not fun at all, worrying about ones own future over and over again isn't fun.

The disdain I have for OTR has really got me stressed.

I'm not OTR, but the lack of viable suitable paying jobs for a driver frustrates me at times.

I suppose if already had a loving family, such a lifestyle would be easier to sustain, but if don't already have that, trucking just takes you further away from it.

You have to really love it, to do it now, and some do, or still do, and good for them, cause without drivers willing to just be out there for days, weeks, nothing would get delivered.

But for myself, I've gotten so use to being home daily, I dread giving that up again, and would almost rather be homeless for a while, than go back out there...(Unless maybe in brand new truck with less than 40 miles on it)

But not trying to climb back into older truck, with 600,000 miles on it, where you're afraid to look under mattress.
Cleansiness matters to me now, big time, and waking up being able to use own private clean restroom matters to me, instead of having to share with hobo looking, out of shape, gas passing, un groomed drivers (what a nightmare)

Again I'm glad some can still do it, I just can't, and thinking about it just fills me with lots of anxiety.

I need to start thinking about transitioning out of driving all together, a port job, Union job, where pay is still good, still industrial, but not threatened with ever having to driver OTR.

[Admin]

And I just can't take the noise anymore, can't sleep at truck stops in back of cab with other trucks constantly pulling out of and backing up next to you and then pulling loud air breaks.

I can't really sleep out there anymore, add to that stupid log rules, where have to drive when body wants to sleep, and when want to sleep log says you have hours to drive.

Right now it's quite, I'm sitting on couch, it's dark, peaceful, and I find that so theraputic.

Not dealing with bad weather or anything.



In the winter time days are extra long as a driver, it's cold, takes longer to get where you're trying to go do to accidents, construction and weather, which means have to spend longer time behind wheel to cover same miles if weather good.
That's stressful, for the mind is always engaged, have to constantly look out for other traffic, worry about finding place to park for the night, never enough room at rest areas anymore.

Then grooming habits begin to degrade, you start becoming sloppy, stop caring about 'style' or fashion, and just wake up and put on whatever since no one sees you really until go inside warehouse.

And do to logs, you spend most of your time sitting and sleeping, or trying to.

It's a nomad lifestyle, if enjoy being alone all the time OTR trucking is for you.

[Admin]

Ever get a raise you don't really want?

Ever get a raise you don't really want?

In that maybe thinking about leaving company, but once get a raise, suddenly feel obligated to stay?

If you have no conscious, no moral aptitude, than I doubt following will bug you, but if do, it will.

If of decent character, if someone is nice to you, you automatically want to be nice back and then feel a bit obligated.

But I've seen enough examples in business world to know you're only valuable to employer as long as can 'function'.

The minute can't function, disposed of.



I've seen this occur far to many times in the past.

Should a raise prevent you from seeking better opportunity down the road, even if such opportunity comes weeks later?

Everyone has to answer this question for themselves, depending on own personal situation, chemistry with employer ect.

But truth is, should never feel bound by slight raise, if slight raise is more of a token rather than life changing.

[Admin]

Truck driving fatigue setting in

I was on way to possible apply for and check out higher paying supposed local job, then once saw would have to drive midway across town to get there, I just turned around, added up the gas, wear and tear on vehicle ect, and just turned around.

Years ago, just a few, would have been thrilled at the prospect of such a job, but now I think I have what's known as 'truck driving fatigue'.

'Local' is kind of a BS term in my opinion, local could mean having to drive 300-500 miles in one shift, out and back, think that's easy?

Most just have to put up with traffic on the way to or from work, imagine having to put up with traffic during whole shift, and still having to make many stops, backing in, unloading...maybe up to 15!



Add to that prep time, meaning showing up early to go over route, fill out logs, other paper work, then add to that extra 'get off time', stepping away from Truck, post trip, cleaning truck out (do to slip seating for such a job) turning paper work in, proper pass down, ect.

Then going to vehicle and driving home, getting settled in ect.

All this activity eats up a lot of your day, and doesn't leave you with much time accept to sleep.

That's great for a family man/woman, who has family to take care of and who has family to help motivate them, make them feel like all of it's worth while, but if not a family man/woman, can bury you in a lot of hours of nothingness.

Local runs are very 'tight', time sensitive, so if single aren't going to meet anyone, that's for sure, instead will be running with 'family' types, older hairy men who have been married forever, and lack spirit or any type of interest in you.

Or younger urban types who are always glued to cell phones, chatting for hours to whomever.

Again, that's fine for some, but not me, not at this juncture in life.

I'm not that desperate yet.

Some times local LTL type trucking jobs you end up using up 18 hours a day to satisfy work schedule when you add in all the extra time such schedule eats out of your life, as mentioned above.

(Again, how I'm feeling right now is not normal, most drivers want that, makes them feel content and needed)

Where as it makes me feel lost and forgotten and invisible, in that in such a environment I'm not utilizing my true gifts and skills, and I think that's what It comes down to, trucking was never my first choice for job or career.

I was raised around scholars, artists, musicians, actor types, just very colorful people, and trucking is just the opposite of that, now days.

In the past Truckers did use to be very colorful and bright and devilish, and rebellious, but most of all those Independent type of truckers have retired, died, or been driven out of industry.

I mean remember when Nashville, major musical artist, would even write songs about truckers?...those days are gone.
Now 95% of truckers are very generic, a generic brand of worker.

Fuddy duddy types who don't inspire me.

I mean whens the last time anyone has seen a trucker that actually looks 'cool', or handsome or muscular and in shape?

When's the last time anyone has seen a trucker that when you see them you're like 'Wow, I want to be like that'?

Hardly never anymore, instead most drivers now days just seem very generic, bland in appearance and in just enough shape to do job.

As such, I do not want to bury self in that environment for hours at a time anymore cause all it does is lower my moral, no women, just older bearded hairy males, or urban types with near zero intellect, or foreign drivers whom speak other language.

Next job I get has to place me in an environment where I'm around people who still 'dress up'.

In closing, I do not fit the profile of your typical driver, not in the least bit.



Just not ready to grow old yet and vanish into nothing.

I still and believe and want my 'moment' to come, not sure if it will, but it's all I really have to keep me going, that hope that it will.

One thing for sure, at least for me, that moment will never come through trucking or logistics, where you're simply looked at as blind labor, and allowed no input at all what so ever, treated like a zombie worker with no intellect or brain.

Anyways, much more to follow as usual.

[Admin]

This company here totally personifies all I've been writing about...wow



The following reviews will freak you out, how could a company treat drivers so poorly and not expect former drivers to 'talk'...wow...

link Central Transpot former driver reviews

To me this is shameful...and sad...and to think I was possible headed that way until decided to read these reviews...

Link to driver reviews>>>link

[Admin]

The best gift is coming home, after shift, and just being left alone

I may not be getting rich off this 8 to 4ish M-F schedule, but you know what, it's days like today, a bit cold, wet out, gloom feel, that I'm so glad to just be home, inside own dwelling.

I totally wish I could of had this schedule say 10-12 years ago, when more optimistic about life and the future, and when still interested in going out, meeting someone ect.

Back when didn't have such a cautious view about others, that just comes with age.
I could of used this schedule back when I still thought I was 'all that'...and interested in hitting the datelines nightly, now, not so much.

Instead, 10 or so years ago, life in dissary, all the trucking jobs kept me away for weeks, as such could never settle down, could never meet anyone special.

I needed this normal schedule when younger, when things cheaper, life easier, but OTR type jobs robbed me of all that.

So now I have the schedule, but not the 'life' or ambition, or even funds to do other things.

I mean I could still go out now, but just not the same, doesn't feel the same, older now and a bit more weary about stuff.

Most my age are married, settled, have families, and so just 'hanging out' is not something they do anymore, it's as if I got left behind, I did get left behind.

When I should of been socializing with peers, I was 'out there', on the road, away from it all.

Knowing that will explain why I so resent OTR now, that whole environment.

Was at 'Loves' truck stop the other day (local) to buy something for company, and my gosh, not a single driver I saw inspired me...not that they're bad, but just saying physically just most look so 'spent', washed up, out of shape old and tired.

Me, not rich anymore, but at least I get to work out almost daily, have gym inside place, so when I go to truck stops, I do stand out physically, I don't have that 'spent', older tired hippie cowboy look, if anything pride self in still resembling an athlete.

Not the drivers fault though, they can't help it if only served or offered 'death food' at truck stops, greasy made to go death food.

Hot dogs, toastious (or whatever) sausage, soda, candy, donuts, chips, coffee drinks, hi energy soda drinks, then after consuming...no place to run, workout, nothing.

No social place built into truck stop, like days of old when I first started, nothing, no pool room, no video game rooms (at least not at Pilots/Loves)

T/A's and Petro's and Flying J's may still offer more in terms of after hour amenities.

Flying J's and Petro's use to have large TV loungers, and Petro's use to have large Movie theater room, not sure if they still do or not.

But even if they do, most drivers aren't into socializing anymore, their old, older, hairy, already married, have families, so all they want to do is sit.

The art of talking, discussion, is all but about gone now. Drivers stick to themselves, cell phones, tablets, they don't need 'you' anymore, as such everyone out there in own world away from home.

And if have no one at home, than it makes for a very lonely environment.

There's no 'Love' out there anymore, no sense of 'brotherhood', no sense of 'hey, we're all in this together'.

I would go insane if out there now, and can't even unhook from truck and go into local town, not only that, but who does that anymore if don't know where to go.

Society has just changed a whole lot, things are different.

Also seems every other driver is foreign now, which makes the divide even worse.

Not sure what it would take to pull me back out there again...

1. Brand new truck (better if I owned it)

2. Teaming with someone I like and enjoy being around and could trust not to wreck.

3. $1000.00 minimum, after taxes

And or if owned both truck and trailer, I could maybe stay out for a 2 weeks, followed by a week off.

But none of those scenerio's are going to occur.

So instead prefer local, and being home by 5 pm.

It's so therapeutic, after being denied that schedule for so many years.

OTR was fun back when people or drivers were 'loose', back when truck stops had carnival feel to them, all that's gone now.

Now it's just you drive and eat, drive some more, eat, drive, eat then sleep, that's it.

If older, already raised a family, and nothing better to do with life, I guess that works.

[Admin]

Blue Bloodhound company

Maybe more drivers down on their luck, who want more independence, should consider

'Blue Bloodhound'...watch their video in link...

link = Blue Bloodhound opportunities

[Admin]

What turns many drivers off from even bothering applying

What turns drivers off from even bothering applying

1. Long application process, the whole '10 year work history' crap, and yes it's just that, crap.

The transportation industry has a very high turn over rate of drivers, in that they come and go, do to nature of job.

Recruiters promise one thing, job and reality delivers another, as such drivers often move on after a few days, weeks, or months.

There's nothing like being stuck out on the road, hundreds, or thousands, of miles away from home, just to find out was 'lied' by recruiter, just to find out pay checks are less than local paper deliver guy.

As such, early on in many drivers careers, they 'job hop', sometimes company, other times 1099, working for owners, many of these companies fly by the wire, one minute here, the next minute gone.

So for drivers to fill out 10 year work history is agonizing, in that most drivers want 'next' job to be their last, and so aren't worried about their past jobs, don't keep records, simply want to move on.

And what's with this 'no gaps' BS?...

Everyone has gaps, at least truckers do, and it's near impossible to remember what one was doing 5 1/2 years ago in August if between jobs.

To me, as long as not a criminal, what the heck does it matter?

To be honest, I can't remember what I was doing 4 months ago, let alone 6 years ago in some particular month.

Many companies drivers worked for dissolved, and or people in management themselves moved on.
Not only that but it's all in State and Federal records, so why make driver agonize over past employment when carriers already have access to that info!!

Cause when wrong, they 'correct you'...so if they already know your past, why do they make you guess about dates you've long forgot?

To me it's all useless BS.

All they should care about is criminal past, not gaps...heck, life is short, if driver had a lot saved up, and wanted to just take time off between jobs, or employment, so what.

You don't wait billions of years to be born, alive, just to be a slave all your life.

I'm simply telling the truth here that most can't admit on application.

To me, all companies should be concerned with is

1. Criminal past

2. Wrecks or accidents

And that's basically it, hire them, if pass company standards and move on.

If I were President, I'd eliminate all that Federal 10 year past employment BS, and that's exactly what it is, BS.

I speak the truth, I speak for all the former, and or current drivers out there.

[Admin]

Of all places, not sure why posting abstract image of self here

Title: Green Day



Of all places, not sure why I'm posting abstract image of self here, I guess to point out the 'contrast', I love contrast.

I'm not 'rich' anymore, but what I am is free to do as I please when I get off work, when I come home, I'm free, and I can't tell you how valuable that is to me.

I'm just not cut throat enough, right now, to 'get rich', nor am I motivated enough either, you need 'Love' for that, it's hard to be motivated without love, without being loved and without loving others or another.

This is why it's hard for me to fit in around 'regular' one dimensional truck drivers, cause on the inside I'm like a spectrum of art, and color, and imagination and wonder, where as on the surface, most drivers tend to be very one dimensional, bland and square, and that's OK, I can be that way to, but not all the time.

Again, when 'Loved', feel loved, and or Love others, as in having a family, or strong social support group, traditional roles are important and make sense, but when just 'out there', alone, in a void, you tend to fill that void best you can. (nature always seeks a balance, no matter what)

And I fulfill my balance through abstract art of self.

I love appearing, to myself, in ways that others would never imagine me appearing during the day, I love proving them wrong, through art, exquisite art and abstract thinking.

The routine blue collar trucking environment just doesn't allow for that, you're expected to just basically be a labor bot, no emotions, no ambitions outside of next load, and no master except your dispatcher.

That's just not me, never has been, never will be, trucking is an accident to me actually, never intended on staying with it this long. (ye, they all say that, LOL)

In the logistics chain, you're pretty much treated like dirt no matter where you go, once people find out you're a driver, they scoot you to the bottom of respect barrel.

From Security guards to warehouse personal, to more.

It's an environment that will quickly depress the soul, if out there with no support.

I'm not 'Transgender', I'm 'Trans-self', a term I invented, meaning most of us have many different inner sides.

These sides hide, remain dormant when in loving relationships...why?...cause other people fulfill these sides for us.

But when alone, alienated and socially isolated, these other trans-self sides come out as a way of keeping us sane.

In other words, if ugly, say I'm ugly, when I look in the mirror, I don't want to see 24 hour a day ugly, it's why males attracted to females.

But if single, no female wants you, likes you, than 'nature always seeks a balance', than the more beautiful side of self tends to come out, so that you can relax.

Nature always seeks a balance.

Most truckers reading this probably to fake 'macho' to even try to understand that, to traditional, and blah blah blah.

'Me trucker, me tough, me eat meat and potatoes'...ye OK...glad that works for you, wish we could trade places.

On the other hand I'm alone and lonely, and do what I have to do to stay sane.

And in closing, remember, I'm always years, sometimes decades, ahead of the curb.

What I write here in this post, express...only matter of time before comes out in 'mainstream' journals, articles, and or people.

I'm always ahead of the curb by miles.