Wasted days and wasted nights

[Admin]

Trucking can be a very lonely lifestyle, or can be rewarding and liberating, it really just depends on where you're personally at in your life.

Some are able to thrive socially in that environment, and others find it very lonely, again, just depends.

If already lonely, than trucking probably not best of jobs to aquire, truckers aren't the most open friendly types anymore, and are out right pretty bland people as a whole, in my opinion.

Today's truckers aren't like previous generation truckers that liked to party, raise hell and have fun, those type of drivers are few and in between now.

Most drivers today, or older, fat, married, and way past their 'lets just have some fun tonight' prime.

Instead they sit in their trucks, at truck stops or rest areas, like Elmer Fuds'.
They park, then eat, then sleep, while paying the bills for their wife, who's at home having fun while they're away.

Either that or today's drivers are foreigners from like Russia or South America so when you talk to them, they totally don't understand you.

Truckers just aren't a 'colorful' class, if anything their a bland, older balding, fat, grey class.

All the fun, younger people work in the warehouses, even women in their prime.

If you're younger and want to meet someone, you're better off working inside a warehouse like at UPS or Walmart or Amazon, ext, that's where you'll have all the fun and meet peers as exciting as yourself who still have life in them, and whom you can party with when shift is over.

[Admin]

What a sad place to come

This section titled 'Wasted days and wasted nights', like that song by Fats or someone from that era.

Well, about to get rid of 'junk vehicle', so fitting I'd right about it in the graveyard section here.

I've had it for about 6-8 years maybe?, I don't know, time fly's by so fast now.

I had plans for this thing, was even gonna live in it once upon a time if things went bad, but now just having it sit 'out there' and it not running, is more of a liability to me than anything else.

Getting rid of anything you've owned that long is a bit sad, cause by getting rid of it, can't help but getting rid a bit of myself, just yet another thing from the past that didn't quit pan out, as it to falls victim to 'Time and Space'.

And because it's a salvage or 'Junk car' buyer, getting minimum for it, oh well, life goes on and things, all things, eventually fade.

One day, someone will be hauling me off to the graveyard the way I'm getting vehicle hauled away today.

Even the background of this blog forum feels 'End of days', or zombie apocalypse feel to it, can imagine ashes falling from sky or something.

Any ways vehicle, thanks for the memories, it never panned out the way I wanted it to, vehicle sat most of the time I owned it, and the weather just caught up to it.

I actually hope it finds a new owner, a new purpose, cause engine still works (but not running now)(5-800 dollar fix), and since this place is salvage, I'm sure they could fix it themselves.

I've been to metal scrap yards before and it's brutal what they do to old cars/vans/trucks, they like have giant 'metal eater' machines that just grind the vehicles up into metal saw dust basically, then metal melted down and sold.



Ye, it's not pretty.
And I just always think of all the memories car had, the families it drove around, and or it's gleemy day at car lot, all new and shiny, and then fast forward to the day it's demolished and how time caught up with it.

It's kind of sad in a way....cause that car is 'us', all of us, eventually, will be that car.

Anyways, about time to get ready to meet that guy.

To be continued.

[Admin]

And just like that, my Chevy Van is gone, no longer mine

I stood out there and talked guy to death, yes, in real life I talk as I type, fast and hyper.

And they said cause vehicle was in such decent shape, that more than likely would fix up and re-use...the guy actually seemed happy, cause they already had smaller vehicle on bed of truck, and it truly was 'junk', mine was not.

It's like I was giving them a gift, had the title and everything, no BSing around on my part.

That's why people like me in real life, cause I"m sincere and genuine, but some will try to take advantage of that.

Oh I could tell you all some stories but you'd think I was making it up.

All that aside, Van, vehicle is now gone, no longer a part of my life.

What did I get for it?

$300.00 bucks.

Im sure they can turn around and sell it for $2,500 or more.

I just don't have the 'spark' in me to fool with it anymore.

With older vehicles, if not careful, you can turn around and dump 10,000 dollars in a 20 year old vehicle.

I'll miss it, but don't need it.

And sometimes you gotta get rid of the old, to allow fate to bring newer things into your life, hopefully better more useful things, people or items.

I'm just one person, and the world is a mountain, and I have no help at all climbing it, later.

[Admin]

Wasted days and wasted nights



Wasted days and more wasted nights.

Every decision, right or wrong, has led me right here to this spot I'm currently at in life.

You can make good decisions in the past, that turn out bad.

You can choose to move into a nice house, then years later neighborhood falls apart.

You can choose to catch flight 847, then plane crashes.

You can choose to marry the right person, then 3 years later their personality changes and your once dream spouse becomes you worst enemy.

You can choose to take the Titanic, then the Titanic sinks.

I think 'Fate' is just the ultimate master.

Wasted days and wasted nights.

[Admin]

Feel wrecked

Work really saps your energy, especially if work overnight doing what I do, it just saps your energy, your mental energy, and trying to reclaim your sanity is like waking up from the dead or something.

Work is such a mindless repetitive exercise, and your brain, the creative side of your brain, just kind of takes a vacation during that time, and trying to reactivate your creative side of brain when first off takes a transitional period.

I still drive, but luckily have enough time off to re-coupe, or would quit even this job.

I mean the older you get the more it all just becomes labor, nothing more than labor you have to do to keep from living under a bridge.

Although I was indeed homeless once, and chilling under a bridge wasn't the worst thing, could be quite relaxing at times actually.

No wonder people who constantly work age more rapidly than those who don't.

It's why I no longer take jobs that require me to work more than 4 days a week, I mean why should I?

Now, every weeks like a vacation to me, every week I get 3-4 days off in a row, instead of waiting on Government sanctioned Holidays, and even then some companies want you to work, bunk that.

Work gets you know where, I can honestly say that now that I'm older, work gets you absolutely no where.

Investing gets you places though, learning how to multiply your dollars helps also, but just showing up to work, just to work, gets you absolutely nowhere, unless someone above you notices your drive, and then promotes you and gives you more money.

Or if you create your own business, or if an athlete and can make millions from your effort.

But if just showing up to dig a ditch, it's pointless, unless have family to feed.

All the jobs I worked for in the past, where are they now?, they could give a dam about me or my future.

I chose where I work very carefully now....don't want no job where schedule is scrambled, where never know when going to work or when off type of crap.

Nor do I want any job where have to work up early anymore, screw that also.

Sleep keeps you young, ripping self out of bed at 4 am in the morning makes you age.

I'm not surrending my youth and vitality, or what's left of it, to no stupid employer ever again.

[Admin]

I hate industry, and how it just shrinks you, at least 'me' it does.

It just swallows your soul, and you become so small and nothing next to it.

[Admin]

Night driving really drains you cause today, drivers don't know about high beam, low beam, and people drive around with high beams on all the time now, imagine 8 + hours of being hit in eyes with high beams.

I never thought I'd come to hate doing now, what for so many years in the past totally loved.

Driving feels more like a dirty chore to me now, and other drivers, who aren't like me at all, seem totally drive and bland, no creative spark at all what so ever, unless has to do with truck.

Yes, I'm burned out, I stick with this current job only cause I get plenty of time off every week, but if had to do more than 3 days in a row, I'd of quit already.

But with this job get 3-4 days off weekly, so every week is like a vacation, so you get time to recover your senses and find self again.

It's ideal for me, but nothing good lasts forever, so will enjoy it while can.

Even if lose this job, will still only want to work part time, just can's ever see self going back to grinding it out for 5-6 days a week..why should I?

I take care of myself, no one pays my bills, so why should I destroy my own moral and body by working so hard?

And pay check wealth isn't happening or would have by now, what a sham.

Wealth will only come my way if...

1. I get lucky

2. I win the lottery

3. I win a law suite

4. I marry someone rich

5. I write a book, or invent something that sells well

6. I find a briefcase full of money...

And speaking of finding a briefcase full of money, years ago always told self I'd turn it in, now that older, and see how the system works, see how corrupt Government is, or the people who work in it, see how they steal tax payer dollars left and right, after seeing all of that, I think now if found a briefcase full of money, I'd take 'Redman' the rappers advice and 'Pick it up'.

[Admin]

I blew an emotional gasket this morning while on the job.

My mood just turned very crabby, started thinking about my whole life, the past, past strategic mistakes, social mistakes, fiscal mistakes.

Pets I should of treated better, people I should of appreciated more.

People I should of never become friends with and more....it just all got to me.

Then anger turned towards 'church', and Pastors, and the gospel, and how snakish it all seemed to me at that moment.

How even Hitler had a wife and 'Love', yet I can't find the same, so don't tell me it has to do with 'sin', as the church tries to blame everything on.

Even the Devil himself, has more love in it's life than 'I' do, I told myself.

The most brutal dictators on the planet have wives and small feet's, and family and get attention, so no, 'sin' has zero to do with my situation.

People on death row, get marriage proposals, yet I can't even find a date?

It just all got to me for some reason.

And then I felt sticky and dirty, and I don't know...I think I may need to change shifts.

Staying up all night is getting me cranky as of late.

[Admin]

In a strange zone right now, tried getting drunk, but really didn't work.

I'm to healthy at the moment, body doesn't want to get drunk, as such I'm stuck in a odd mental place...it's like engine is on, idling, but the car won't roll forward.

So I sit, and think, and sit some more and think some more as time moves on.

The wind of life moving around me, as I sit still, planted like a tree.

In a strange zone right now.

[Admin]

The thing about jobs, any job, is when you do have to go back to work, that's usually when your clarity comes back to you, only now stuck at job doing mindless labor, what a waste of energy, time and life, when that occurs.