Wasted days and wasted nights

[Admin]

Gangster movies never end well, ever...stories always the same, watching one now on 'Bounce'.

Here's what always happens, regardless the movie

1. Young guy has hard background

2. Learns the ropes, rises up, gets in with the 'big guy', or gal.

3. Big guy or gal taken out, either slain, or jailed, now new up and coming guy takes over and thrives.

4. New guy lets power go to head, loses friends, even family, but now in it to deep to change or stop, also usually has a lover.

5. Either lover sticks by them, or lover becomes source of contention, or a distraction.

6. Guy slips up, makes to many enemies, people close to them betray him.

7. Then the fall begins, and gangster ends up deceased, or at the bottom where they started from.

All gangster movies basically follow that template, whether in the movies or real life.

And so does almost every other story in life.

[Admin]

Another thing I notice in these movies, and in life, is that people always turn on each other, no matter how close in beginning.

Knowing this, you can almost write the script for another's life, anyone cycle...seems just about all cycles play out the same, as with movie I'm watching now.

[Admin]

In these movies, not always, but usually a outside agent moves in and spreads rumors and lies within tight group, or even a marriage, or football team or band, or even within religious circle, but it's often a outside agent that moves in and spreads discord among members or family or fill in the blank, or even criminal organization.

They, or it, breaks group up from within, it could be cops lying to each member saying how this member rated you out, or it could be friend of wife saying, 'your husband is cheating', and so forth.

Things break apart when people in whatever group fail to disclose all to another all of the time, that's then how distrust develops.

This seems to play out over and over and over again, even with the story of Lucifer when supposedly he turned on God, and cast doubt about god with other angels.

[Admin]

For the first time in like 6 months, I'll be working 4 days in a row...wow.

Glad I didn't know that until last minute or it would of screwed up my mood.

With over time, will be earning over 30 an hour...so what...believe it or not my personal time means more to me.

That's why no one can really figure me out cause money is not my god.

I've seen drivers, other blue collar types earn a ton of money, and where are they today? still working like they're one pay check away from nothing.

Not me, I want to live while alive.

And I'm no longer under the spell of 'hard work' pays off BS, no it doesn't.

Having someone give you a high salary, is what pays off, hard work though, really doesn't.

And if it does, it's simply cause someone above you, or with connections, takes note, and likes you and propels you ahead and gives you management position just cause they like you, or cause you're cute, or cause they're friends with your Father or Mother or this or that.

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I get more out creating a piece of art, when off, and in calm creative mood, than working 12 hours in bland work environment around bland people, who see nothing in me.

Oh well, one more day of this, then hopefully off.

And the guys I work around, especially the older ones, always so bland, dull, and ugly looking.

Guys who are married seem comfortable with growing old, and no longer caring about style or optics.

[Admin]

Ye the days of me putting my personal life on the back burner for any job is long over, now, unless a job gives me time for personal development, I don't stick around long, have no incentive to.

I have more life behind me than in front of me, and with whatever is left, that time is mine.

I spent years giving my time and energy, creative energy to companies, and it yielded me nothing, a dead life basically, now I have no more 'life' to give these companies.

Pay checks cannot compensate for my life, or lost life.

a million dollars could, but insulting me with a week to week pay check cannot.

If this 4 day a week schedule becomes routine, I won't stick around long.

At that time wear and tear on vehicle, fuel to get to work, food I buy while at work and all, at that time, the threshold of it benefiting me, begins to wane.

I need my 'off time' now, now more than ever....no more 'Wasted days and Wasted nights'.

[Admin]

I compare the feeling I'd have if off today, and the feeling I have knowing work is coming up, and not even close, or should say what a contrast.

One mood feels like going to Disney Land, or some other theme park, the other mood, the one I have now do to work coming up, feels like walking closer towards a dungeon.
My off time is a pay check to me, it's one of the things that makes me so different from others, I no longer chase money that's had by labor.

I can get buy on basically nothing and be the happiest person in the world.

Or work every day, have more money, and be the most miserable person in the world.

[Admin]

I sometimes wish I could help guide future drivers, tell them proper path to take and which ones to avoid.

If want to know the ins and outs of trucking, just reach out, sign into forum, won't be able to 'post', but can still leave me a message...I think...

You can, indeed, become a millionaire from driving a truck, but just gotta know how.

90% of trucking jobs simply exploit you.

Miles miles and more miles = exploitation, long hours and low pay.

Miles miles and more miles only appeal to those who just like to travel just for the sake of traveling, like recent divorced type or something.

But believe me you in trucking, miles do not = fiscal prosperity.

A world of knowledge here if just reach out and ask, find a way.

If serious, no doubt will.

[Admin]

The background of this forum is how I feel right now on the inside, grey and ashy, and sorta burned out, a relic of what I use to be.

One shouldn't feel this way when getting off any job, but I do, which tells me job isn't in long term future...and now there's talk about more pay, more hours = death trap, at least to me, = bad health, and low moral.

I no longer chase money, what I chase is a schedule that gives me proper work life balance.

The older you get the more that will make sense, for if haven't earned enough money by now, all the hours, days, years, I put in in the past, sure not going to now, regardless of hourly pay.

With labor, in the end it's like having 6 months worth of living expense savings vs 1 year, big deal.

As such, to me what matters is 'now', and whatever health I have, not trying to give any of it away to industry anymore.

People who sit in offices make rules that make life difficult on the labor class, especially this 'green' stuff, If they had to live by the rules they think are good for environment, they wouldn't, it's that simple.

My health comes first now, no matter what.

And right now, it's time to sleep after a long over night shift.

[Admin]

I think depression is moving in on me, and no, it has nothing to do with covid.

Depressions come and go, they just do, not sure why, it's a accumilation of things usually, that build up over time.
But for me, the main source is usually work life balance, the more I mindlessly work, the more depressed I get...

If I work to much, then I stop working out, get out of shape, usually start drinking, since I figure 'oh well, can't do anything else when off'..then I start eating unhealthy food cause when work all the time to mentally drained to go shopping, so end up buying junk food when at work, then stop taking care of looks, looks go, stop caring about hair, and it just adds, it becomes self fulfilling depressive phropecy.

And then when out, just working around other people who have become as emotionally and physically grey and bland, which just adds to depression.

I feel it coming.

And then you have what this section was named, more 'Wasted days and wasted nights'.

Work just can't make me happy anymore...1 pay check per week cannot make up for 7 days of feeling unfulfilled and unhappy, wore out, ect.

I'll just quit, and take a month off if I have to...with what I do there's plenty of work, always, as long as people buy stuff, there's plenty of work, as such no need for me to let any one particular job sap me of my life spirit.

Can even work part time or 'temp agency' where I work when I want, chose assignment.

......just babbling to self...no one reads this stuff anyways...just babbling...just woke up.

[Admin]

Would rather feel healthy, happy and whole, and be near broke or poor, than just work self to death, and have large pay checks that just sit in account.

When healthy and whole, even if not earning as much, I feel larger, happier, that the world can still be mine.
When feeling depressed and wore out do to job, no amount of paycheck can help or heal my mind....unless saving for specific purpose.

With me, there has to be a rhyme and reason to my suffering, if going to earn big while suffering, than must tell self it's short term and for a purpose, like to buy a few acres of land with money, or nicer newer car (Dodge Challenger), or 350 Z ect.

Or used RV.

Going forward, since not ever going to be a millionaire, need to buy stuff that will help me be able to live a decent life without killing body as I age, and that to me means...

1. Land, even if in middle of desert, or forest, land, paid for land means can relax a bit cause it's paid for, can't get evicted even if broke cause it's yours, other than taxes I guess.

2. RV to live in while on land, just park it and live, maybe not as fancy as a house, but again, at least paid for, it's yours, no pressure to work job that destroys your body, mind, health and moral.

At my stage in life I could live like a Indian, or African tribesman, or early settler to the states, like Grizzly Adams...I'm done chasing material stuff, done trying to gain status in this world, this world doesn't want me to have status.

But on 3-4 acres of land, can have all the status I want amongst myself and pets I get, and wildlife I tend to...and gardens I would grow....that's living to me, not getting up reporting to job that destroys your body and health.

Man doesn't know what's best for me, I know what's best for me.