Diary of a ghost

[Admin]

Getting my butt kicked today, nothing seems to be going right.

Nothing.

And to add to it have been kind of sick the last few days.

Nothing goings right today at all, nothing.

[Admin]

Time to get up and out there today

It's raining, it's cold, but I need to get up and out there.

I need to go test my new po box, I've wanted a po box again for so long, it's nice having one and not having to use your home address for everything.



Also, right now, I really kind of wish I were in a romantic relationship, wish I had someone to hug.

But at my age I'm just so physically picky, the majority of women on my social level just don't really attract me, and those who do are of course taken.

And online dating adds, please...I just don't fit into some neat little template.

I hate questions like 'what's your occupation', as if it's your occupation that defines you...instead they should as what it is you aspire to become.

And then there's the income bracket, I mean how many pass over do you get if woman sees you're not some wealthy person.
Perfect people don't use dating sites, yet women and men both expect to find perfection on them.

Dating sites are for those with flaws or holes in their life.

And I've got plenty.

But I'm still here and doesn't mean I don't get lonely for companionship at times.

[Admin]

I don't have much to say right now, this here forum blog, to me, feels more like a dungy, soggy, wet, grey damp cellar or basement, or dungeon.

[Admin]

In a very weird mental zone

In a odd mental zone, I have energy, but have been under the weather lately.

It's like I have energy, but I'm sick, and being sick distracts me from the energy that I do have.

Also, I've given up drinking, for now, so been off of booze (beer) for around or a tad bit under 15 days or so?

So maybe that's why I feel so odd, as getting back in touch with body and mind again without beer rolling through it all the time.

Am I sick or not?

Do I make appointment to doctor and spend around 400 or so when all done and said, or do I just wait it out and hope that body fights off whatever I have?

I don't have health insurance, what a sham, the whole medical industry is a money exploiting sham.

Yes, I know, doctors need to be paid, but the other alternative is to allow citizens to heal themselves, if we can, just give us access to the same anti bacterial drugs doctors can prescribe..

Yes, I know, addicts would take advantage of that system.

Well I'm no addict, but do feel a few pinicillin pills would cure me, but to get those I have to go to a dopey doctor, fill this out, fill that out, and I just don't want to do that, I don't feel like giving a clinic 200 dollars just so they can tell me what I already know.

'Err, you have a slight infection, here's a prescription for some penicillin', now pay us 400 dollars'

When I could just skip that process.

Oh well, it's not going to change, the system that is, just because I cry about it.

[Admin]

For years all I wanted to do was get a RV and some land and retreat.

Now that seems very impractical to me, maybe cause I'm older, and just don't have the mental energy for all that.

Now I just want to stay where I'm at and earn passive income.

I'll move when it's not fiscally painful to do so.

I really wish I could have the last decade of my life back.

[Admin]

What if you could just order a friend? Rent a friend for the day or evening?

And no, I don't mean that kind of friend, I mean just a non romanceual companion to keep you company so not alone.
Maybe someone to attend a baseball game with, or watch TV with, or go to the movies with and so forth.

I'm surprised such a non romanceual service hasn't been invented yet.

Again, I repeat (for you dirty types out there) it would be a non romanceual type of service 'Rent a friend', for those who just live dreadfully lonely lives and or would appreciate companionship from time to time.

Single people would understand that concept much more than married types.

[Admin]

Seems cleaning your own place wears you out more than anything else

I can jog a short marathon and not feel as tired and drained as do when cleaning own place up or out.

It's just draining, at least to me.

I need to do something else now, work off of random 'to do list', as to not get burned out on just one task for the day, which has turned into many.

Dropped stuff off at goodwill, and the man wasn't very social, here I am giving away my precious stuff, and the dude just acted like a pug.

Then went to the Library (actually before), and gave way 2.3 boxes worth of old DVDs.

I just feel like getting rid of everything suddenly, for a variaty of reasons.

I want my mobility back for one, tired of feeling like I can't move or relocate cause of 'my junk'.

Tired of not being able to host a guest, because of 'my junk', and just tired of always being reminded of a past that has kind of failed me.

So clearing it all out and mentally trying to start over I guess.

This will be the weekend of gutting my place of useless junk that's just taking up space.

[Admin]

I don't like dealing with foreigners when it comes to like business matters.

When people can barely speak English, it's hard for them to relate to my nuances of speech...cause they're so busy focusing on just understanding English, and me understanding them, that all humor, nuances, jest, ect, are removed from communication and as such communication comes off as being very serious, and that sucks.

Where I stay, all the people in the leasing office are Mexican, and you can tell Spanish is their first language.

Why the F would they do that?

It's bad enough when calling customer service on the phone I have to deal with Indians from India, now where I stay yet another cultural and language barrier put in front of me.

It just annoyes the crap out of me.

It's not their fault, just saying, don't put people who can barely understand English in positions where they have to deal with mainly English speakers.

Just like Mexicans would not like it if they put me down in Mexica to vet questions from Mexicans about health care.

My not being able to understand Spanish would frustrate Mexicans to no end, well the same applies here.

[Admin]

I need to clear my cookies soon, cause to many adds are following me around.

Neat experiment.

Get two computers or Iphones, or androids, go to same page, same website, and watch as different adds are displayed on each different device.

[Admin]

There's a lot of things that can make you really sad in this world, I guess the trick is not to think about those things to much, especially if unable to do anything about it.