Diary of a ghost

[Admin]

Just deleted all my video content on one YT channel I had

I just deleted one of my whole complete YT video accounts, why?

Cause something didn't seem rights, comments stopped coming in, even when commented on other peoples videos, it's as if I was being 'shadow banned' or something....it just didn't feel right, I mean here I expect that of course do to 'settings'.

But on YT and other social media sites, no, people generally like to interact, and something just didn't feel right.

So I ended google youtube account, and that may have just go the ball rolling for me in that come Friday, when have more time off, I may delete all of my presence online.

Or at least on google...


There's a voice in me telling me it's time to do so, to start over.

I mean think about it, if have had same account or accounts for years, where you don't even have to use password anymore cause you're always signed in, no telling who else has slithered in, or could be watching or even adding stuff that you did not.

I think I'm going to clean house and just wipe out all my online presense, and then start over from scratch, that way if there is someone monitoring me, a group, a person, marketing companies, whomever and whatever, I'll simply vanish.

And then when open up again, will be very much more careful about security, about passwords, about everything cause times have changed since a decade ago when you didn't have to worry about that stuff.

I don't need a internet presence anymore, after all these years it has benefited me at all, not one single bit, haven't earned a dime off of anything online.

So ye, I'm going to divorce myself from the net soon...but just for a few days before rebuilding new image, a fresh image, cause I have no idea how my old one looks on the other side.

and if am being spied on by someone or people, when gone, they'll panic, and hopefully it will flush them out, so I can meet and thne punch in the face or worse for spying.

Just kidding.

But ye, it's a done deal, I even want to delete all my email addresses as well, but it will all take time since so much is connected to your email.

[Admin]

2020 will have been known as my 'deletion' year



2020 will be known as a deletion year for myself, I've cleaned up a lot, let go of stuff, and still not done.

Just gotta be careful not to fill the space back up with other useless junk.

Junk people, junk friendships, junk stuff you buy from the store, it's all junk and clutter.

Let go of the few junk friends I had, people you dump time and emotion into worrying about, thinking about, but they don't return the favor or sentiment.

Who needs them?

And we all know life is so full of irony, so one day, who knows, maybe they'll need me, see me as important, and will I be there for them?

Fate will decide that.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

On a whole different tip, I've been eating really healthy lately, energy out the roof, but not excersising like I should.

All the energy from good food does not good if don't burn it off properly through working out.

OK, that's all it took into talking self into a quick workout, back soon.

[Admin]

It annoys the hell out of me when other people think they know who you're suppose to be.

[Admin]

I hate getting in a creative mood on same day you have to work, that really sucks, but when that does occur can really see the contrast of self when free and creative spirit comes out, as in art, ideas, which spurn projects, vs getting in slave mode, labor mode, and having to get up to go to work, I mean the difference is compellingly different.

Now if you're the type who has no creative spark, than what I'm saying won't make any sense, or if have type of job that allows you to create and engage difference makers while at work, than good for you, but many do not have such a job, and simply show up as 'labor' in one form or another, in which creative spirit simply dies while on duty.

Without creative types, those who lack any creative spark, would have no entertainment, the world would just be a dull grey.

[Admin]

I don't think the vast majority of the American people are 'great' or 'better' than people anywhere else...I can say that, I've travel, been around, even over seas.

And not sure how some racist from Utah, is better than a Samoan Islander from Samoa.

Or how some street hustler from Detroit, is better than a working class Australian and so forth.
The Constitution is what made this country exceptional for a while, not nessisarily the people.

The people actually resisted the Constitution and bill of rights, as applied to 'non whites', or others they deemed 'not of them', for many centuries and decades.

Many in America are indeed smecial, and appreciate being here, but I also see many, of all colors, who just aren't fit to be human, cause so ugly towards others on the inside.

(Kind of an out of place post, should of been posted in another slot, oh well)

[Admin]

In a grouchy mood

In a grouchy mood, just came off of a night shift, and at around 1/5 through shift, things just started feeling 'off', and continued so even after got home.

1. Stupid traffic back up, so had to divert, take back roads, = lost time.

2. Stupid train just sitting on tracks when almost home, so had to again divert = lost time

3. Get stuck behind slow driver, felt like choking them, then missed green arrow light by seconds, which I would of caught if not behind slow driver.

4. Get home, stupid yard maintanance people here, loud mowers, blowers and weed wackers...nice when trying to sleep after working all night.

5. A/C won't work, worked fine yesterday when left, now doesn't work.
The last thing I feel like doing is calling 'maintanance', I don't like them, I really don't.
Don't want them snooping around in place, being nosy.
Thinking about just buying a 'in room a/c'...I mean better than paying 90 dollars a month on utility bill in summer, I only occupy one room at a time, I don't need furnace trying to cool down whole place, prehistoric furnace.

Ye, so just in a crabby mood now, then gotta lay down and sleep and do it all over again.

I just no longer see the value in all the commotion, it's not fun anymore, I'm not going to meet some fantastic person in traffic or at my job, since pretty much work alone.

So to me it's all just noise', loud meaningless noise.

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And on the way home, got fuel, and everyone I say was 'ugly', fat, out of shape, unkept, whatever, just nothing good to look at, to gaze at, to give me visual hope.

At least in this part of town, or the city, everyone just looks so worn down and slobby.

Only the prostitutes on the streets seem to care anything about their looks, or trying to be thin and fit, even though they live a dangerous lifestyle.

All the males look like hobboe's, seems once men gat married, they just turn into fashion slobs, stop caring about their looks, let hair bold, don't take care of teeth, skin, and just physically fall apart, at least in blue collar realm.

Oh well, just needed to get that off my chest.

[Admin]

I like people who are fit, or at least make an attempt to stay fit



There are those younger than myself who aren't even as fit, like 25 going on 60.

Stay away from fast food, for one, but I notice even celebrities can't stay away from fast food.

Even as I'm writing this, I'm working out, push ups, then type, push ups, then type.

I guess when single, you just forever have the mind of a 19 year old, even if you've given up on meeting anyone, when single, you just carry yourself differently, at least I do.

When single, and have no small feet's, there's no one else to represent you 'but you', it's not like you have grown small feet's that are youthful and athletic, so you can sit back and get fat knowing your seed is representing you well, nope, when single and have no children of your own, you is all you got to represent you and no one else.

So gotta take care of self best you can or life goes down hill quick, then depression sets in.

Anyways, it's hot, a/c doesn't work, but at least not in the path of a hurricane.

[Admin]

Nothing worse than working nights, having to sleep during the day, and then having a/c go out, cause it gets hottest during the day, of course.

Then hoping you slept well enough to get you through the night without getting drowsy.

Can only imagine the hell people in wars go through, like in Vietnam, where soldiers had to sleep in their wet, stained, soiled clothing in the mud, hot and humid with insects.

How do you do that?, and not loose your mind?

How do you bed down in the mud, so enemy won't see you, then wake up with spider web woven next to face and not loose your sanity?

But they did it, soldiers and Marines, they did it, they rose to the occasion.

So if they can do that, I guess I can do this and go without a/c for a few more days.

[Admin]

Burned out on social media

Getting burned out on social media, just am, social media isn't so social anymore, in fact it just makes you feel more alone now, but it wasn't always like that until traffic cartels took over the flow of random traffic.

Now unless what they call a 'difference maker', or have tones of money to 'buy views', or 'buy traffic', you're basically invisible online.

Even on YT, someone will post a new video, and get a flurry of responses all in like one day, but after that, no more comments, it's as if the comments are paid for bots.

And people don't respond anymore which tells me they're not 'people' but bots..

Cause people are people and people love it when you comment on their comment and like days of old would respond immediatly, but if you're commenting on the comment of a 'bot', nothing.

Social media depresses me now more than anything else, and so beginning to ween self off of it, sites this and that, just wasting money, my hearts just not into it anymore.

I'll continue to write, of course, that I can never stop doing, but just won't waste money on new fancy sites anymore, cause the market is saturated with 'websites', and no one cares what you have to say, no ones going to go out of their way to find your site that search engines hide or bury, just to see what you're up to.

Not unless already famous or something.

And I'd rather be rich than famous.

But right now, my current mood just has me feeling like I'm done with it all, or most of it.

It's all futile.

[Admin]

When the first part of day starts off unfavorably, then you just got to stop, take a 20 minute nap or time out, and start over fresh, that's all you can do, let the gunk roll right off and keep on keeping on.