Moods

[Admin]

All I do is walk a straight line, it's everything and everyone else who's crooked.

When all you do is walk a straight line, you really observe how utterly ugly mankind is.

You can do everything totally correct, right, proper, and people will still entangle you up in their crooked ways, their evil outlook, their own warped perspective.

But the one thing they never do is validate any of it with you.
Instead, just seems everyone is cozy in their own made up lies.

[Admin]

My life is empty, and literally has no meaning right now, to me, I just wake up just to be here, and that's a about it.

Maybe just a mood, who knows.

[Admin]

I'm in a different mental world right now, a different mental and physiological state, and right now being online seems like a million miles away to me.
As if typing from the planet Pluto.

Not sure what's going on with my physiological prowess or state of being.

[Admin]

I feel slained, defeated, punished by fate.

But the thing is, even when slained, defeated and punished by fate, until dead, you still have to live.

[Admin]

In a odd mood right now, as I lay in bed on this work night, watching parts of and the endings of various movies

1. Digging to Death

2. Batman vs Superman

3. Witch Trap, some older 1989 type of scary movie (Why would Freeve on Amazon even carry that?)

Anyways, tonight I feel doomed, I feel like the future is bleak, my own.
No one really likes me, not even my own family.
Everyone in my family, they're not perfect, far from it, can't keep jobs, or mates, or anything, so maybe it's good they don't like me, I could give a F actually, they never do anything for me anyways...but still, the one thing you can't chose is your blood family.

I feel like I've just been cursed in this world to always be around people with mental or social issues, or religious issues.

They're all wacked to me, and if not related I doubt I'd want anything to do with any of them.

Anyways, I just feel doom and gloom this late night, for some reason....as if nothing will ever workout right, I mean if it hasn't by now, why should it going forward.

[Admin]

I have no use for tomorrow, and tomorrow has no use for me.

[Admin]

My existance really feels empty to me right now.
Others no longer inspire me.

Those in the media seem like cardboard cut outs.
Society is deteriorating quickly, and so is my purpose in this world, or so it seems.
Hard to want to 'fight' for bad people.

How can people say America, or the American people (I should say) are the greatest people on earth?...really?
That's a big fat lie, just look at the news, the drugs, the fights, the violence, the robberies, and so forth.
The American people are more like spoiled trash.

If not all, than a large portion of them for sure.

[Admin]

In a lazy mood lately, it's as if just waiting for Putin or China to lob a nuclear bomb over here so we can just go ahead and begin the apocalypse...then I can just roam around like in the movie 'Last man on earth', and forage through grocery stores.

[Admin]

What's wrong with me??



What's wrong with me?
Lately, the last few days, I've fallen into a odd mood, all I want to do is take pics and video of myself, as if trying to preserve self for long after I'm gone.

Is the end, for me, immanent or near?, is that why I've been so anxious lately?
Or does it have to do with a trip I'm taking soon, and when I take the trip, this side of myself, this more colorful side, I'll have to bury, but it's the side that has kept my spirit alive for years, when all others abandoned me.
When I have to bury my colorful side, I feel like I'm suffocating or something.

Humans are some of the shallowest, small minded so-called intelligent creations of 'God' or the creator.
Most people have no idea who I am, they won't allow me to be 'me', instead, once I leave my place, I simply become what their small narrow bigoted minds think I am or want me to be.

It's why I know God is in no one, for if God, the all-knowing God, were in others, no one would ever fear or mis-judge me in a negative way.

Truth is, the only god most people know is their own flesh and blood, which is tainted with all sorts of ingrained biases and fears and superstitions about others.

Anyways, I'm still here and still wacky and dacky, but in a fun creative way, I just wish more others could see that.
Everyone is so tightly wound up in today's society.

Law, order, and strict crime policies would probably bring trust back into communities again, but as long as criminals allowed to terrorize others, no one feels safe out on the streets, or even in their own neighborhoods and or homes now.

But at least you're safe here in the zone, which is simply a quiet collection of thoughts that go back over a decade.
I library of thoughts, so to speak.

[Admin]

I think hell, for most of us, begins while we're still alive