Moods

[Admin]

My mood, ugh, not where I want it to be right now...feel a bit agitated, probably cause I drank last night, and shouldn't have.

Drinking tends to throw your mood off, I should know that by now.

[Admin]

In this world, meaning our own inner personal world, it's so easy to get off track.
Sometimes staying focused and on track can be a hour by hour exercise.

Add drinking or substance abuse to that, and it can be even more difficult.

When drunk, or drinking, you say honest things, but that maybe should not have been said.
Honesty is good, but in this world being honest to the wrong person or people can harm your forward progress.

And the longer I live, the more I doubt evil doers will get justice just because we think they should.

It's like with no moral standard, one mans evil is another mans survival or good, or justification.
It all comes down to self interest.

No one is really good anymore or if ever, unless there's something in it for them.

Being good and nice for the sake of being good and nice, who does that anymore?

If you're cute, people are nice to you because, well, you're cute or apart of a certain class or color or gender.

00000000000000

Anyways, gonna lay back down, meditate and then get ready to go across town to a medical appointment, just a general one so my name will be in the system.
May as well...VA stuff, why not.

[Admin]

When I drink, I feel so bold, confident, assured of myself, then for the next day or two after, I feel so very small and frail and emotionally fragile.

[Admin]

Feel like I'm headed towards a cliff right now, and in denial of that fact




feel like I'm headed towards a cliff right now, and in denial of that fact...
Just a weird day.
I had so much energy and felt happier earlier today, but now...ugg.

Just to much ugly info, I guess.
Gotta watch what you digest, read, hear and see, cause it all affects your mood.

[Admin]

Didn't wake up in the most positive or optimistic mood today, not in the least bit.
In fact, I woke up, then pulled some heavy fabric atop myself, and just lay there feeling like I was getting ____ by the world, by the devil, and any other symbolic thing that I feel opposes my progress and desires in this world of ours.

I feel like the devil has one, literally and metaphorically.
I can't change this world or those in it, we're all just to twisted mentally to be helped.

Yet, here I sit, alive, and forced to navigate this place, like a form of torture, knowing ahead of time nothing will ever work out and being forced to see your life ambitions corrode away as the devil pours acid atop it all.

That's just my mood at the moment.

[Admin]

Lot's of things can affect our moods, but nothing affects our moods like a dose of cold hard reality.

[Admin]

My mood sucks today.
It's flat, it's dead, it's muted.
And I've already _____ today, so there's not even that to look forward to anymore or throughout the day and night.

I wish I could just press a button and vanish, is what I feel like...just press a button and be gone, without a trace, and everyones memory of me as well.

Oh well, that's just my current mood speaking, probably cause I was stupid enough to drink yesterday evening and into the night.

[Admin]

I'm just lazy sometimes, but hey, I'm older, I've worked my whole life, so why not be lazy sometimes.
But being lazy will come back to haunt me in that I'm no where near fiscally set yet to retire, not even close.
Haven't even worked in 5 months and to lazy to apply for unemployment...wow.

[Admin]

Moods, hmm.

Not sure how to express mine right now.
A 'reality is starting to scare me' type of mood, I suppose.

A 'getting low on money', type of mood, I suppose.

Hmm.

[Admin]

I don't listen to music anymore when I'm home alone, and rarely listen to music when driving.

Music, just reminds me of how much I've failed in life, and or saddens me about the past, and or I just can't relate to it anymore.

When drunk, I may get on YT and explore new songs, or enjoy older ones.
Music used to offer me hope, now, it's just noise, for the most part.

As you get older, emotions matter less, and results matter more.
Music is all about emotions and feelings, which are useless to me now, if those emotions and feelings can't produces results that benefit my life and future.