Alcohol spectrum

[Admin]

I heard some artist on NPR, of all places, who use to be addicted to booze; but I heard him say that when he stopped drinking, how

'The colors just came back'.



I take that as meaning life just got brighter again for them when they laid down the bottle.
But also, they're married and have small feet's, so they have or had in place a ready-made support system.
Not all of us have that same support system.

None the less, their words have inspired me to want to 'see the color of life again', by not drinking.

[Admin]

I was off for 4 days, I think I drank beer every single day I was off, yet today, I felt pretty dern good and energetic while at work driving.

So ye, I'm drinking when off for several days, but I don't feel the lingering effects like I used to, that tells me I'm doing something right.

1. I'm exercising more (mainly while at work during down times, but I think it's having an effect.

2. I've been taking gummy vitamins daily, like brain health ones and vitamin c ones, and others.

3. And I've been having a lot of make believe, imaginary ______ with myself...hmm.

So which is it that's making me just not feel the effect of alcohol as much lately?

My diet is pretty much the same, oh ye, I've been eating a slab of salmon steak weakly, I wonder if that's it, Salmon.

[Admin]

Salmon Steak

⬆️⬆️⬆️ Continued from above



Speaking of Salmon steak, I just cooked it up, the one I bought yesterday.
I think there's a lot of natural medicine in salmon, cause I do feel better, as of late, since started eating one salmon steak per week for the last 3 weeks or so.
And it does take me about a week to eat it, I don't eat it all at once, just pieces of it throughout the week.

[Admin]

Just got in, I worked today, I drank yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, cause I was off.

I will not drink tonight, since I have to work tomorrow, but kind of do feel like it.
But I use my work days to get back in shape, in that I workout while at work, during downtimes...and it's been working well.

I find I only need to really workout 3 days a week in order to see improvements and feel better.
And I do a lot of stretching as well, and probably what some would call 'yoga', but my own made up style.

But ye, cause I drank yesterday, I do feel a bit flat right now.

[Admin]

I think I'm just trying to heal, from drinking to much on Saturday night after work, it just hit my body harder than normal, for some reason.
I'm in shape, more so than many my age, but maybe that's where I'm fooling myself by thinking that just because I'm in decent shape that it's OK to drink.
I don't think my body wants me to drink anymore, maybe I should listen.

[Admin]

I've gotta learn how to have fun, by myself, when not drinking.
It's just when sober, and off from work, if not drinking or drunk, it feels as if I'm still at work, everything just feels so dry and static, stiff and stale.

[Admin]

On a dry run



On a dry run, I need to be sober now, for a while, for at least a week or longer.
I need my senses about me, when off from work, so can make sure I make smarter decisions during this pivotal time in life.

Yesterday, it really hit me hard how much of my life is a dump, and drinking just helped shield me from that reality.
Life is about meaningful two way relationships, outside of relationships, not much matters.

We've all been burdened with our own 'hells' I suppose.
But to me, the worst thing about life isn't struggling, the worst thing about life is when you have to struggle alone.
When alone, you have to always convince yourself that you matter, sure, god or 'Jesus' may love you (whatever that means), but if others you're around do not, what does that even matter?

Even thugs and gangsters on the streets function, are able to function emotionally because they're embraced by other thugs and gangsters around them. People need people, whether they're good or bad, evil, or righteous, people need people.

[Admin]

It's Saturday, I'm finally off, and home, but there will be no drinking tonight, gonna see if I can keep the streak going again, or start a new one...don't bet on it being more than 1 or 2 more days, but we shall see.

[Admin]

Being sober for about the last 4-5 days, has really shown me what an empty of a shell life I really have been living.

Alcohol numbs you to the emptiness, but when sober, can't help but see it, feel it, observe it.

I guess the question for self is, what do I now do with this emptiness?

[Admin]

Right now though, as I sit here sober, I just kind of feel disgusted with everything, corruption, shady dealings, nasty people, greed, all of it is embedded in so many institutions these days.
Nothing is clean, nothing is innocent.

Sin, having a sinful nature, won't allow anything ran by man to ever be totally clean.