Diary of a ghost

[Admin]

Nov 17, 2016 22:08:07 GMT Admin said:

Working job you don't like, for to long, can be bad for your health

Working a job that's not rewarding to you, for to long, can actually destroy your health.

It's why people with 'careers' are usually more happy, healthier, and upbeat, cause a career is like a family, where as a job is more like being bounced around from orphanage to orphanage.

Careers give you a ladder to climb, and incentive to work harder, stay later.

Jobs, no matter how hard you work, your title or pay does not change, cause you're disposable.

Careers you hit the ground running, people automatically expect great things from you.

A job, people just expect you to show up and labor until shift is over.

Career people hang out after work, form social networks, plan projects together.

A job, once clock out, become total strangers to your co-workers.

The only exception to a career is if one creates their own small business.

To which you don't really need college, just capital and motivation.

What careers and small business owners have in common are

1. Both offer upward mobility based on determination and grit.

In other words as with career, when running a business, you can see effects of your hard work pay off in the form of more revenue, which inspires you to work even harder.

When I say work I mean like plan, plot and create new ventures, ideas, ways of creating services that get money from others.

A regular job offers none of that, no matter how hard you work at a hourly pay job, nothing changes, you just come home sore, and owner of company never notices, and immediate supervisor takes credit for what you did.

I've done all 3...

Job, career, small business (Oh and sales).

And of all those I can definitely say normal job is least inspiring.

Sales is probably the biggest money maker of them all, but have to be good at it.

But when creating own business, you are the salesperson.

The invigorating thing about small business, is you're everything, you're the employee, employer, salesperson, career person and the one who does basic 'job' duties, until company grows.

Right now in my life, I work a 'Job'...a generic job, where you show up, work, do assigned task, then go home.

I need more if going to survive mentally, physically and spiritually, if not I'll die early and young, that I can tell you.

This job has made me lazy in that it provides basic income to cover basic stuff, enough to live very generic basic life.

But that's going to kill me if I don't step out of that zone.

It's why people like Trump, at age 70, are so invigorating, have so much energy, is cause they're succeeding, they're always succeeding at what they do, and why do they succeed?, cause they do what they're good at.

If Trump were a Plumber or cashier at Walmart, he'd be dead by now.

Doing what you love, what you're good at, is what keeps you alive and invigorated!

Otherwise, what happens is, over time to deal with the sadness of unhappy life, you end up drinking, doing drugs, not exercising, over eating, and it will catch up with you.

And since unhappy, see no reason to change habits if no hope.

Bottom line, gotta do what you love, what you're good at, otherwise will die an early death.

The above is very true in that working a job for to long that you don't like can be and is bad for your health, both physically, fiscally, morally and even socially and spiritually.

It's all connected, if not thriving, than eventually the collapse or depression of one side of your being will effect the other sides.

Current job I had was fine, the problem was.

1. Low pay 2. No room for growth 3. Low pay 4. Owner or boss who didn't care about fixing things that needed fixing. 4. no benefits.

Low pay effects moral in that once off work, can't do much, can't pursue life's dreams and ambitions, cause dreams and ambitions take 'funding'...everyone knows that, from Corporations to scientific labs to being a student and more, nothing is moved forward in this world without funding.

Individual people 'fund' themselves with the left over income, but if there's no left over income after working full time, than that means credit or borrowing, which leads down dangerous road.

So yes, even though perfect schedule, M-F, off on weekends, once off had no extra cash to 'fund' ideas or projects with, or take online classes, nothing, so instead 'would drink'.

You get off work, nothing to do, so drink to dull the mind, and brighten the dark reality of the moment.

This pattern has been going on for quite some time now, and could see it's logical conclusion...death, preceded by declining health.

I'm in exceptional health, but if keep drinking all the time, when off work, that won't last, so knew I needed to make a change, and took gamble and did.

Leaving one job for another can be like leaving one marriage for another

Leaving one job for another can be like, and is like, leaving one marriage for another in that it's basically a contract of 'trust' and expectations.



Marriage and employment are both a legal contract with the State, as well as trust between to people and or a person and company, or company to person..or Employer to Employee.

Either way 'vows' are taken by perspective employee..

'I promise to do my best and to serve with diligence to carry out the wishes and plans of you, my husband, or new employer, yada yada yada.

And in turn new employer, or Husband, promises to compensate you well, take care of you, your health needs, (benefits) and more.

It's a marriage.

You go through the honeymoon phase, where neither side can do no wrong, then you go through the 'Hey, I got this' phase, where you start getting the hang of it, then you go through the 'Let us grow together now' phase, where you become aware of your usefulness to company, and start the leveraging.

Anyways, all that aside, I had to move on for the vitality of my own life and future.

Former company I just left could be compared to being married to 'Husband' who lived in trailer park, and wanted you to stay barefoot and pregnant all the time, and in a constant state of 'need'.

Newer employer can be compared to the movie 'Pretty Woman', with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, where sure, there's a probation period, but if can get past that period, things could really blossom.

(Don't panic males, or guys, just using generic metaphors to make gender neutral points, if a male, it don't matter, for the purpose of this post, you're 'the wife' in relation to your employer, so role play with me for the sake of this post)

But we both have to live up to end of bargain, me, as employee, fresh meat, have to do all I said would and could do during interview and on application, and them, King with large territory and resources, has to share those resources with me so can thrive within their Kingdom walls, and outside the walls.

Only time will tell how it works out, but must try.

One thing for sure, will be working longer hours, and have to wake up a bit earlier...but that's good cause.

1. Longer hours = overtime pay, something last company afraid to pay

a. Longer hours = less time for me to 'drink', in that will come home more tired, and have to wake up earlier.

b. Longer hours = higher pay, can start paying off bills again and actually getting ahead.

Another good thing...

M-F schedule still (awesome)

1. Can still have a life after work, and on weekends, can still plan stuff when not working and actually have the money to do things again which will boost confidence and moral once again.

Also new company, if things work out, has benefits, something I've been without for years, and they have insurance plans for health and more.

And because this company is large, there's possible room for growth, job growth within, career changes from within, as you put in time, and someone leaves, you apply for their slot.

Last company didn't really have that.

But first, as usual, I'll have to prove myself, I always do, but in past companies so small it didn't matter.

So anyways, it's a new era for me, a new chapter to begin soon, a move I had to make to better own future.

May have to take a few hits this month on certain bills, but oh well.

My order of bills is always

1. Rent or mortgage first, no matter what.
2. Auto loan second (and insurances that keep car legally on road)

3. Everything else 3rd

For most, life is hard and short, you prosper for a few years, then spend the rest in decline.
So have to make the most out of years when health allows to prosper, but only if one makes proper decisions.

Later and good-by for now.

[Admin]

There's really not much I feel like writing about right now.

I have higher paying job again, but as income got bigger, seems problems got bigger as well, as if still broke and struggling.

When playing 'catch up', it's hard to save, and bills you owe are merciless...tempted to just leave the system again, keep job, but leave system, and just save mass money, cause all the system does is gobble up all your money while young enough, healthy enough, to earn it.

Then the system leaves you with nothing when older and health fails, in that while working dump 500,000 into system on stupid stuff trying to keep up with the Jones or living above means.

Right now, I have nothing interesting to share, life is a struggle, we all have own burdens to carry.

Back soon, and hopefully with more optimistic tone...

[Admin]

It's only when off for a few days, that you're really able to see how toxic industrialized work environment is to your health

It's only when off, and the stress begins slowly bleeding away, that one can really see how unhealthy industrialized work environment are.

Machines, noise, chemicals, long hours with sparks flying or driving, doing repetitive things over and over again in hot sun or freezing rain and more, all of it toxic to a long healthy life.

Working longer than 12 hours a day, toxic, and I'm talking physical labor, not office stuff.

It's why blue collar males look so beat up and wore out while still fairly young is do to beating body takes.

Even truck drivers, if you notice, all look rough and spent, and seem to prematurely age in that driving is very stressful, the whole lifestyle of driving is stressful, especially if OTR where there's no way to exercise, and all the food at travel centers (use to be called truck stops) is food created by man, designed to kill you, but tastes goooooooooood...

Driving, traffic, noise, heat, it all raises my stress level, and feels super unnatural to me now.

I don't want know part of it anymore, I think I was physically more healthier, and mentally more happier when near homeless and didn't have to subject myself to all of this.

But once you accumulate bills, living quarters, vehicle and more, you kind of get trapped.

But I could walk away from all of it, again, tomorrow, as I did in the past once, just walked away from it all, and instantly so much stress just went away, felt like being reborn almost, all the worries of the world, bills, keeping up, all just left.

I realize now, unless win the lottery, current income will never be enough for any type of future that's based on having 'stuff'...

I've done the math, and body will wear out, break down, long before get good return from labor, so in the end it's all really a waste of time.

I'd rather live alone, in the woods, in a Tee Pee, and just be left alone, but sadly not even that's possible in todays world unless have enough money to buy own land.

It's like a hellish trap, money is the only way to 'buy freedom', yet most don't, will never earn enough to get there.

[Admin]

Sometimes over planning, when want to move, will prevent 'move', out of fear of details, sometimes just gotta 'go', roll the dice and roll with it.

Moving can be frightening these days, out and right frightening, even horrifying these days...



Especially as age, and get older, moving can be horrifying.

Society has changed a lot over the decades, if raised up in the 60's, 70's or 80's, even 90's I suppose, moving wasn't as stressful back then, cause life was way more simple, no computers, no social media, no internet, as such when moved, truly were able to create a fresh start, but today, in 2017, when move, past totally follows you, from employment history to rental history to fiscal history and more.

In other words in 2017 it's very hard to just move and 'leave all behind', or 'run away' so to speak, in that in todays world everything follows you around.

As such, no one really gets a 'fresh start' anymore in todays world.

Long ago, during paper applications, place moving to only knew as much about you as you wanted to share, today, forget about it, with computers, social media, background checks, nothing goes unnoticed about your past, (Unless a cute romancey blonde, ext, than no one cares..lol)

But most of us aren't cute, youthful, romancey blondes, and as such don't have such an easy path.

My current 'path' in life feels dead, it's going no where, sure I have decent job, I suppose, in that pays basic bills, but not fulfilling, in that around none educated types, it's blue collar type stuff, scruffy type of environment and people, where everyone treats you as if dumb, stupid and intellectually narrow.

I earn check, able to pay basic bills, but becoming more and more unhappy, even depressed, even drinking more to deal with it, not good.

As such I need to 'bounce', leave, spring out of here in order to 'save' or salvage self from grey, dead in future.

Easier said than done.

Older now, as such do way to much 'planning'...example...

1. Must find employment first, before I leave

2. Must find housing first before I leave

Worrying about those two things will keep one paralyzed and stuck in same spot forever.

When younger, I remember didn't care about any of that stuff, would just up and leave, go to new place, and face issues as they came, and that's how opportunity or doors opened.

But as age, we tend to forget our younger selves, and become way more cautious, like our parents were, which we swore we never wanted to be like...

It's one thing if have 'small feet's' and or a family, a wife or husband, that's a game changer of course.

Cause when taking care of others, of course have to be way more calculating in the moves you make, but if single, it's different.

Right now I have reside in safe, quite place, that's familiar to me, routine, but at the same time every day, week, I stay here, more and more of my spirit dies, as such I die.

I need to 'bust out', last time I did that was about 10 years ago, same type of deal, where I was environmentally stable, but soul, spirit, was dying do to grey environment.

The bills will always be there, the annoyances of life will always be there, no matter what.

I, we, need to do what's best for us, in that if going to expire anyhow, would rather expire living, than to expire slumped over in depression or in bed one night do to sadness from unfulfilled dreams and possibilities.

I need to move...in order to save my life, in order to revive my life, I need to move, I know it, feel it, but scared to do so.

Being scared is called 'self preservation'...no more no less, and we all get scared when faced with uncertainty, whether a gangster or a sissy, a male or female, old or young, white or black, Jew or Arab, uncertainty makes many nervous and uptight.

Especially when 'alone'...those anxieties just compound.


'Trust God?'...hmm

That works when younger, and more like you're trusting yourself and own wit, and simply equate that into 'God', but when older, not so sure.

I'm not sure if I trust anything anymore, but rather simply 'act' out of instinct to survive, and the rest is up to fate, I suppose.

I need to move, I need to move away from urban environment, move away from 'thug types', move away from section 8 types, move away from crime, move away from congestion, traffic, noise, pollution and more.

I just need to move, and have less than a month or so to decide.

Or could possible move just outside of city, or within, to place that's quiet...I don't know.

But somethings telling me not even that's good enough, and that I need to move way back out west to the mountains, open plains, prairies and or desert land.

And once there then worry about job, place to live and so forth.

We shall see.

[Admin]

Got off before 6 P.M., yet felt so neutralized emotionally

Life is what?

Do what while alive, aware and conscious of self?

None of it makes sense, if honest.

Life, conscious life is odd, in that really only makes sense if dishonest to self.

If purposely lie to self, for the purpose of 'flesh' then life makes total sense, but if totally honest with self, regardless of 'flesh', like makes zero sense.

Time for bed, dreams...where life does make sense again...dreams are like 'Alice in Wonderland'.....

[Admin]

Finally got Netflix, not sure what took me so long to subscribe, first month is free!

OK, I finally got Netflix, not sure what took me so long to subscribe, and first month is free, as long as if don't want cancel before 30 days, and even if don't, still way cheaper than cable, HBO, Comcast ect.



Why did I decide to go with Netflix finally?

1. Hate commercials, commercial 'mock', commercial 'mock me', and are everything I despise, as in being fake.

Privileged people do not understand 'underworld' types, but rather steal tunes, moments, for commercial or brand, that when moment or tune was truly popular, shunned you, I, us, for enjoying it.

2. Hate other people deciding what I should watch, I know what I want to watch and when.

And that's basically it.

So I will give Netflix a try, for 29 days, and see if all it's hyped up to be.

Still way cheaper than HBO or other movie channel packages on cable which simply play movies that are 20-40 years old, as if should be in 'ahh' of that, no thanks.

As such giving Netflix a try, and so far very happy and satisfied,...if want to view certain movie or show, I simply type into 'search' tab, and like magic, it appears...so so cool...

Updates to follow.

[Admin]

My Saturday nights, weekend nights, will now have more meaning again, thanks to Netflix

Thanks to Netflix, my Saturday nights, weekend nights, will now have more meaning again...



What do I mean by that?

Growing up was 'horror' freak, weekends, after school let out, meant 'horror', or sci-fi..popcorn ect...heartland American stuff foreigners may not get or understand.

Well now with Netflix, can get that experience back, when weekend arrives, can 'type in' classic horror favorites, or newer ones like 'Mamma', a very under rated new horror movie.

Now, no longer have to go up to 'Red Box', on weekends where bums, beggers and prostitutes hang out and bug you when trying to buy DVD.

Now, from safety of home, can just type in title of movie or show, and get it.

Now, don't have to depend on other channels finding movie or show they think I might want to watch, now can just type in.

Awesome!!

Cause recently cancelled cable, nothing but info mercials, people selling this or that, or cable news, fox or CNN, filled with partisan BS...

And shifting through Walmart movie bens gets old, rarely movie you want in box.

And if so, two movies worth whole month of subscription to Netflix....we shall see...

So far no complaints...typed in movie I wanted to see for year, couldn't find nowhere else, and 'wham', there...

So cool, feel like a kid again in candy store...but we shall see...

[Admin]

Love is fuel

Without Love in your life, you really have no fuel.

People can present great things, ideas, to you, but without 'Love' in your life, none of it really matters.

Loving, desiring another, or being the focus of another's love, is what fuels people.

Outside of love, there's really not much accept biological heart beat...

[Admin]

The older I get, the less impressed with others I become

The older I get, the less impressed with others I become, and that's kind of a bummer, cause when younger, fueled by wanting to be like others you consider 'great' or accomplished, but as I age, get no where, mingle, I realize those 'others' just flesh, like myself, and flawed.

They simply have more money, that's all.

Maybe forged better career paths early on, that's all, but not brighter or more insightful, for sure, just richer.

Even low IQ people seem 'bright' when have lots of money to throw around to bribe doorways of opportunity to open up.

But when income poor, income average, no one listens.

If don't belong to a 'club' or 'family', no one listens.

Makes me want to turn away from it all, soon, and just live free, outside the system, where once again small things do matter.

[Admin]

At least 2 days is needed off, to find self again

At least two days is needed off, to find self again, if a creative type.

Work, labor, begins to mute ones creativity after a while.