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Post by Admin on Mar 6, 2022 16:33:41 GMT
I need to create and get started on a 'to do list', cause as of now just sitting on edge of bed on computer fantasizing over getting a new or newer vehicle.. jacksonville.craigslist.org/ctd/d/jacksonville-2014-dodge-challenger/7447039070.html Which I do not need, but kind of want, again. In that just getting older, and nothing else seems to be working out for me as far as getting rich, I'm not getting rich, I'm just getting older, and soon won't care about anything at all, so a part of me wants to at least go out with a bang. (i guess they call that a mid life crisis for some?) Well call it what you want, I just call it wanting to live while living still matters.
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Post by Admin on Mar 6, 2022 16:51:46 GMT
It scares me that I'm even thinking about getting a new or newer vehicle, cause that automatically adds about $400.oo a month to budget, or around 300 not counting insurance.
Do I really need that extra stress?
New cars are fun for about the first few months, but then it just becomes a vehicle again that gets you to and from work.
But having a nice car can and does effect moral, and moral is important, cause a good moral drives you to want to do more, which could equal opportunities down the road.
A low moral just makes you want to stay home and locked away from society, so I have to weigh those two.
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Post by Admin on Mar 13, 2022 23:05:07 GMT
I've done nothing but sit on edge of bed all day and write, and type, and ponder things, oh well, every now and then I think we all just need a day like that, kind of like resting while doing nothing.
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Post by Admin on Mar 13, 2022 23:14:34 GMT
I haven't even done nothing with today, I'm for sure still not ready for tomorrow or Monday.
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Post by Admin on Mar 20, 2022 22:57:22 GMT
Just your average Sunday. It felt like Saturday to me earlier, may of even accidently posted on the Saturday section. Not much going on today, biggest event for me was getting started on clearing out back room for possible roommate or airbnb hosting. Not sure yet, but am sure I'm tired of being held hostage by junk. Junk can really hold you hostage, big time. Junk has cost me 1000's of dollars over the years by taking up space I could of been renting out to others, and or by taking up storage that I had to pay for. Junk has probably cost me over $5000.00 dollars over the years, how pathetic is that...but not just me, others also. ---------------------- I like the longer days we're having now, sunlight always keeps me cheery longer.
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Post by Admin on Apr 17, 2022 22:31:14 GMT
Post drinking day, so kind of an emotionally fuzzy type of day.
Not here or there really, just fuzzy.
I haven't drank in a while, body clean, and so now when do drink again the beer has an even deeper effect.
Not that I want to start drinking again regulalry cause I don't. I've seen the physical benefits of not drinking to want to go back to drinking all the time when off from work.
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Last night though, not only was I drinking but was also lonely, what a terrible combo.
I ended up calling police departments, the non emergency lines, and just talking, talking about stuff, anything, just talking to them as to not feel so lonely.
And I also tossed into the river an old address book, why?
Cause the past hasn't been good to me, nor the people in that book...and tired of always calling numbers that never ever call me and then making a fool of myself when drunk.
Yet, if anyone as alone and socially alienated as I've been, they'd do the same.
Well todays here, it's not over yet, and so think I'll get started on the 'to do list', that's always a good way to try to build momentum towards constructivness.
Right now though, there's nothing constructive about my life. I get buy, but I'm not really going anywhere.
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Post by Admin on Apr 24, 2022 16:01:20 GMT
I'm tired, and if I could give up today, I would.
But giving up means what?
Just stop moving? Stop working? Stop caring about anything?
Even giving up can be exhausting, cause then there's the long ride down from the consequences of giving up.
I guess giving up really means just getting a hiking back pack, and walking away from everything into the woods or streets.
But then still have to eat, so unless hunting, that means still have to hang around humans for resorces, which simply equates into a whole other type of stress.
So even giving up can be hellish when you really think about it.
Of course the other way to give up is the 'S' word, and even that could go wrong.
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Post by Admin on Apr 24, 2022 16:05:13 GMT
All these things I was going to do, airbnb, then was going to start touring business, then life couch business, then get a new car and on and on, and end up doing none of it do to lack of motivation....which is do to lack of love in my life.
That's what it really comes down to, sometimes 'self' is enough to motivate, but other times it's just not.
When drinking and drunk all the time, I didn't care about love, or needing or wanting anyone else in life to motivate me, but now that sober most of the time, all of the time, it just feels different.
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Post by Admin on May 2, 2022 2:17:08 GMT
It's been a pretty spectacular Sunday for me, did a lot today, shared what I did in other blog spots, and don't feel like repeating it all here again. But will say energy level is finally beginning to wine down.
I can tell when energy level is waning when I don't even feel like opening up address book to find password for misc site I was trying to sign into.
when finding, and then typing in password to a site becomes tiring, then yes, I know, it's time for some rest here soon..
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Post by Admin on May 15, 2022 13:39:50 GMT
It's Sunday It's Sunday, and well, first day off in a few, so you know how that is. On my first days off, I feel spent, and a bit disorientated, it's like being free again and then not knowing what to do with that freedom. It's like being in a cage, and suddenly the doors open, and you're like 'now what?'. That's how it feels, usually, on my first day off of work after working a string of long days together. 1. Health - Health is decent other than pain that keeps coming back to like the left side of arm and chest, inner chest area. I got rid of it a few weeks ago by taking herbal tea and 'Life Tree' cleansing product, cause I assumed it was parasites and or the effects of. All was going well, pain went away, but then, I don't know, was it something I ate again? Was it the fact that I drank heavy a few nights, and maybe drinking heavy weakens the immune system? I mean all that has to happen to get sick is for immune system to weaking, and then in comes bacteria, germs, and or even parasites. I just don't know. Re-ordered some of this though. It arrived yesterday, it worked before, I hope it works again, cause life is miserable when in pain. Even if the pain is slight, it's still miserable cause it's always there, and pain drains, pain drains you of your energy. Pain burns calories, cause to counter the pain that means your bodies doing whatever and 'whatever' burns calories, is why pain drains. That aside, the day is before me, what shall I do? I'll create a 'to do list', and take it from there. Yep, it's Sunday alright.
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