Alcohol spectrum

[Admin]

I don't think I'll ever cure my desire to drink until I fill that large lonely void, which can only be filled by being in a loving relationship.

[Admin]

The worst part about when you stop drinking beer or other is the constant need to feel full.
Drinking beer can be an activity that goes on for hours, always swallowing, always that full gut feeling.
So, when you stop drinking, you just want to eat all the time instead, the way a smoker may want something in their hand, cause use to holding a cigarette.

[Admin]

Alcohol seems to have a evil wicked affect on me



Alcohol just seems to have a very wicked affect on me, seems almost worst now, that trying to stop.

I just seem to change terrible when drunk, or at least when drinking, drunk and lonely.

I end up calling people, cops, Fire Stations, any public place that will answer, just to dialogue with anyone, and I'm sure I make a fool out of myself to some.

And then the next day I lose all motivation to do anything, and just waste time recovering.

I thought I had drinking beat for a while, but I guess not...I mean yes and no.

I don't drink as much now, but when do, it just throws a wrench into my plans.

Like today, which should of been a life changing type of day, but do to me drinking yesterday evening, ahh, forget about it, just laid around most of the day feeling gross.

As long as I feel lonely on the inside, just not sure if can ever overcome not ever drinking at all...I wish I could, but I don't know.

I like myself better when sober, I look better, younger and feel healthier.

[Admin]

What I struggle with as a drinker who's trying to stop is the following

1. When sober, I start feeling really good, mentally and physically, and body pains go away, skin pain sensations, everything just starts feeling normal again..
I even start looking better, younger, as skin, and facial skin starts smoothening out.
But then I start feeling lonely, sure I look good, feel romancey to self, but then the loneliness sets in and that's all it takes is one moment of weakness and I'm drinking again.

And even if tell self it's just for 'that one time', that's not how it works with a drinker, there's never no one and done, instead you drink one evening to crash, feel bad the next day, and so start drinking again to stop feeling bad for drinking night before and then the excuses come flooding in.

It's a vixcious cycle.

Recently I think I went 2 months without drinking, or more, and it was wonderful, but again lonliness started setting in, I mean sure I looked good to self but if there's no one to share your good looks with, you begin feeling lonely, and drinking can help take that lonely feeling away.

So it's like Either I drink, and physically feel ill all the time, but have fun while drunk...or be sober all the time, feel good, look good and romancey as hell, but put up with loneliness...what a choice.

Obviously it's better to be healthy, and feel alone, than to be unhealthy, still be alone, and drunk.

[Admin]

On the way home from work, had to make a choice

On the way from home, from a long day of work, a finality of 3 combined days, I had to make a choice...stop to get beer or just go straight home?

I chose to come straight home, cause it felt to familuar, that feeling of me telling myself that I 'deserved' a beer, some beers, in order to relax.
It just felt to easy, and that's how it starts, heavier drinking that is, is convincing self that just a few beers won't do any harm.

But with a drinker like me, it never just stops with a few beers, having just a few beers makes no sense to someone like me...

Having a few beers without getting drunk would be like someone having s-x, and then stopping before doing the cheebazz thing...it makes no sense.

So ye, I just decided to do without any beer tonight, even though sure would of had fun, for a few hours getting drunk, but then the fall, the guilt, the lost motivation.

I've been doing well lately and don't feel like back tracking, cause there's really nothing to back track to other than depression and a lot of wasted time and opportunity.

For the next few weeks, maybe months, I'm really going to need my sober side to stand up and take charge if I hope to bring about meaningful change in my life.

[Admin]

Almost dove into the beer plunge today, instead ended up chucking all the beers into the waterway

I did have one though, hours ago, but just one, and didn't like where it was taking me, which was basically to nowhere, so I stopped.
I wish I hadn't even had that one, but glad I stopped at one.

It felt like I was drinking a can of death, that's what it felt like.
Getting drunk, feeling drunk, can no longer help me if I'm not succeeding in other areas of life, all alcohol does is keep me sidetracked and gives me a excuse not to want to do anything, oh the years, opportunities I've wasted going down that road, cause when you start drinking, everything else takes a backseat.
All you want to do is sit at home, drink, and fade into pretend world, where nothing matters, and where like you become your own entertainer.

It's like 1 of you performing, while 3 of your same self in audience watching, which represents different mood cycles while drunk.
Sometimes your silly mood comes out, other times your sad mood comes out, and other times your angry/vengeful side may come out.

You become like theater to yourself, to make up for being alone.

When drunk, you're a superhero, when sober you just want everyone and everything to leave you alone while you recover.

It's a destructive cycle, but it's one many go through, but unlike drugs, it's not so easily detected by others.

You can be a raving mad drunk, and still function, many do, many wealthy people do, celebrities do and so forth, not just down and out people in trailer parks.

Many Senators and speakers of the house spend most of their time drunk, but the difference is, is that they've already made it, already have millions to fall back on, have family, fake friends, hired help to take care of them if stumble, whereas everyday common folk don't have that type of support.

I mean when wealthy everyone pretends to like or love you.

Anyways, I sit here sober, not counting that beer I had about 3-4 hours ago.
As such, I have energy still, and more things to get done, things that don't add up to a pile of beans, but things that you do to keep self busy when home alone.

[Admin]

Just through out all the beer in my place, through it into the river or water inlet or whatever it's called.

Maybe some fisherman can find it while at at sea.

I just don't want it in my place anymore, even though just bought it, well now it's gone.

I want my life back, I want me back.

[easyrider]

Sometimes, after making a fool out of self, while drinking the night before, sometimes I don't even like turning on my phone the next day cause I dread any response I may get from whatever I did the night before, usually stuff said online or over the phone or in emails.

Cause 'drunk self', and 'hang over' self are two different people.

[Admin]

Weight gain, drinking and diet

Here's what I've discovered, at least with my own body.

1. It wasn't so much the beer (and sometimes liquor) that made me gain weight, rather it was the food, and sweet drinks, I was eating at the time.

I know this to be true cause even though I've started drinking beer again, the weight has stayed off cause I made other changes to my diet as in no more store bought chips, no more store bought sugary drinks, to include gator-aid, Snapple, Arizona Tea, and other...no more.

I was drinking at least 2 bottles of sweet drinks daily months ago, and was dumb enough to believe they were healthy for you...hogwash!
They all contain the same citric acid and artificial this and that and whatever, SUGAR!

Then I was eating like doritos, puffs, Ruffles chips, you name it, and again more fattening chemicals, sugars and more stuff bad for the body...now I just drink water and natural tea, and coffee, and sometimes cold coffee from the store.

Long story short, I realize now it wasn't the beer that was making me fat, rather it was my diet that was making me fat...and when I say fat, I mean fat to me...even when at heaviest weight, another might think I was thin, but I new better.

I've lost a good 20 lbs since changing diet, and it seems to be staying there, the lost weight that is.

Not saying that beer is good, and I'm still cutting back on that, compared to say a year ago, I've really cut back.

There was a time I had to have some beers daily, whether I worked or not....but those days are gone.

But lately have been drinking again on my off days, which I'm not happy about, and still want to curtail.

[Admin]

I think my body has a lot more in store for me, if I'd simply quit abusing it by drinking.
Even though only drink beer now, but still, if drink to much beer, can have same negative effect liquor has.
Can change your mood and all.

I'm like the healthiest person who drinks.
Every few months I reach that 'enough' moment, where I just will myself to stop drinking.

I think I hit that moment yesterday and or earlier today, cause when I feel bad, the only person it effects is me.