Wasted days and wasted nights

[Admin]

I want land, a new home, and I want it all to be paid for...so I can relax going forward.

[Admin]

I think I'm officially unemployed as of now, as of today.
I wasn't on the schedule, which is checked through a phone app.

Why?

Cause I refused to sign a facial recognition form, that would say it's OK for 3rd party to map my facial biometrics while driving...nope, not my, that's a line or bridge not willing to cross.

So what will I do now? Survive, that's what.
I may have some funds coming to me soon, and so will begin working on that process.
I want to buy some land, and a place, so that I can somewhat control my future going forward.
Rent is just getting too high now. What's the point of retiring if all your income goes up in rent?
In some places, rent alone can be $30,000 a year, do the math, that's 90 gran in 3 years of your retirement money.

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Anyways, it's a new day, just taking my time getting up, groomed and dressed.
Fate has this, me rushing or feeling anxious about stuff does nothing but age you.

[Admin]

Yep, I'm for sure not employed anymore, but not rushing to get hired again, in that my short term fortune may be changing soon, and if can just hold out for a few weeks, all fiscal worries will be solved, at least for the short term, as in a few years, or at least a year.
But regardless, will continue to work again, when the time suites me, assuming things go as planned.

[Admin]

Hopefully this chapter of my life will fade soon.
One of the biggest ways to lose motivation and enthusiasm for life is to keep doing the same thing over and over again without any favorable results.

Well, I just reached a point where going forward just about seemed pointless unless made some radical changes.
Nothing is certain, but I do know staying on the same path was becoming pointless, and even damaging to my moral.

[Admin]

My life has never felt more meaningless than it does to me right now.
Sure, I'm at some crossroads type of stuff, but my life still feels meaningless to me right now, in current environment.

I need a whole remapping of my life, where I live, and whom I'm around...but that's easier said than done.

[Admin]

Been off now for about 3 weeks, and I don't miss my old job one single bit....what does that tell you?
What does that tell me?
It tells me that my resentment towards that job, that industry, the way they do things, was for real.
I couldn't leave though, until the timing was right.

Actually, a lot of things came into play at the right time, I mean I was rewigning anyways, sort of, for not signing a facial recognition waiver. That, and other things came into play all at the same time.
I'm unemployed now, but not to worried, cause have other monies coming in from elsewhere, not a lot, but enough where I can breathe and think for a while without rushing back into the job market.

Also, thinking about applying for unemployment, something I've never ever done my whole life, yet have paid into it my whole life...
I was filling out online form a few days ago, but got turned off by the intrusiveness of it all...but I guess that's just the internet age we live in, where every entity under the sun feels they have the right to know all about your life...I find it sickening myself, very sickening.

But hey, I'm older now, so what the F are they going to do?
I figure I could go at any minute (in that so many who are younger than me seem to be dying for no reason)

And no, I did not get the covid shot (thank goodness for that)
I never fell for that fake azz sh-t, the hype, whatever...



This video could not have been more right at the time, and still right today, tomorrow, and forever.

The same folks, demonic folks, lunatic folks, that tried to control people under covid, are now the same ones going after Trump, and trying to jail their political opposition.

Anyways, that's behind us now...that being said, I figure the Gov already knows everything about me anyhow, so why not fill out those forms, I mean millions of others do it.
But then you have to check in, online, every 1-2 weeks and let them know you're searching for a job, like a slave.
I don't really want another job for a few months, why cant I just relax for a few months while re-arrange stuff in my life?
This idea that you must be a labor wage slave your whole life is sickening to me.

Anyways, so begins a new chapter in my life.

[Admin]

Since leaving last job, for now over a month, I feel better about myself, life and the future

Since leaving that job, that weekly schedule

1. I feel better, happier, healthier
2. The future doesn't seem as drab and dark to me now
3. I spend way less money
4. And have even cut back on my drinking 90% or more, so far
5. And am losing weight, but mainly do to cutting back on drinking.

So ye, this idea that a job, or work, is good for you, nah, not really, unless it's a job you enjoy and one that offers career growth, if not, it'll actually lower your moral after a while.
Glad I left when i did.

[Admin]

Now that not working, and or before I decide to go back to work, a part of me just wants to go out to Colorado, or WA State, and get high of of some legal weed, something I haven't done in forever do to the nature of my job, or better yet the random drug testing.
I'd love to just get high off of some legal, store bought weed, and just go out into the desert or forest, alone, and get stoned, and just 'trip'...at my age, what else fun is there to do?

But can't buy stuff off the streets anymore do to that fetynal stuff they be putting into everything, better to buy from a 'weed store' (not that you should ever smoke weed at all, but just saying if in a state where it's legal, better to buy from a weed store than off the streets)

[Admin]

I applied for another trucking type job yesterday...a staff hire type of place, but do I really want another job right now, a trucking one at that?

I haven't been in a big rig in about 40 days or more...do I really want to jump back into that crap, that environment?
And if not trucking, then what?
I mean there's only so many non skilled or college educated type of jobs one can do, and trucking tends to pay the best, of those type of jobs.

I mean what else am I going to do, retail?, security? fast food?
Go get trained at something else?
Hmm, decisions decisions.

[Admin]

I mean what do I do with the rest of my life, go a different path or get, yet again, just another dull, mundane trucking gig?



This is what I really want to do, go to film school, it's what I should of done a decade or more ago, if more focused and motivated and determined.

I need a job, a career, where going forward my creative talents are rewarded and appreciated and used.
In trucking, there is no need for creativity, you just obey the boss, the company, and watch dull, mindless training videos that you've seen for decades. There is no creative outlet in trucking, unless you're one of those custom truck types who likes to spend 10's of 1000's of dollars customizing your truck; but that's if you own it. If a company driver you cannot do that.

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Yes, I came into a little money recently, not a lot, just enough where can relax for a while, if I so chose...and is why I've been thinking so hard these last few weeks, cause I don't want to make the wrong decision like I have so many other times in my past.
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I mean yes, I've already applied for a staffing trucking job, which means you work on temporary assignments, ect....but haven't even looked at response yet, which means I'm torn on whether to go back to work immediately, or take some time off to think and explore other options.
I'm not old enough to retire, yet old enough to not want to just go work yet another mundane trucking job where you're never appreciated for all your years of service.

You have to love trucking in order to put up with all the hassles of it...the traffic, the mechanical breakdowns, the snarky shippers and receivers, who all treat you like a nobody, a dumb mindless nobody, as well as dispatch, they treat you like you're brainless as well.

What I really need is a RV = no lease or high rent = mobility and flexibility.
A RV and of course a tow behind vehicle or vehicles, maybe a midsized truck and a scooter, and pedal bike.

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My plan was to get some land, and just live on it, but cheap land means remote areas, which unless working from home means long commute to work or job.
I don't know...lot's to think about right now, cause I can't really say a new chapter has begun in my life until I actually do something completely different going forward...
Are there risks involved, yes...but the above film school seems really thorough and hands on...and that's where the last of my passion is, cause with whatever few years I have left on earth, if not doing what I love, than what exactly am I doing?

To be continued...