Odd thoughts

[easyrider]

I just need to sit back and melt into a good zombie movie, watch others stress out and get chased, and forget about my own woes.

[Admin]

Cujo



What a cool forgotten horror movie classic.

In so many ways we all feel so 'trapped' by our daily circumstances, the way this mother and son trapped in car by 'mad' dog that wanted to eat them.

It's all relatable in a abstract way.

[Admin]

Why I'm not 'black'...interesting blog post on word press

alteredstatesdotblog.wordpress.com/2021/02/21/why-im-not-black/

More are refusing to be reduced to being defined as a 'void' which allows others to fill with whatever.

[Admin]

'Wrinkles' - When you stop mattering to others

[Admin]

Outside of pro creation, does it matter if you're same romance attracted or not?

I mean if, when, alone, and opposite romance totally ignores you, to not feel so alone, does it matter who you cuddle with, just not to feel so alone?

And if so why?

Outside of the bible, why is or would that be wrong?

[Admin]

Be weary of 'The Knockers'

[Admin]

Downward slide to nothingness?

Is that's what is left after a while is simply a downward slide to nothingness?

[Admin]

Nothing odd about these thoughts, I just need a place to dump them.

I feel like I made a fool of self yesterday, probably really did not, but just feel that way, cause I was drunk.

When drunk, while at home, I sometimes end up calling people I normally would not, and that list is getting shorter and shorter.

And then if no one to talk to, I'll start calling businesses just for the sake of conversation.

It's like when I'm drunk, I actually want 'wrong numbers', just so I can create dialogue with someone.

I mean I guess yesterday night wasn't that bad, I did register another business, I probably would not have done that if not drunk.

It cost money to register businesses, I mean you have to pay for a service to do that for you (you don't have to but it's easier that way if administratively lazy like myself).

So now I've got two LLC's that I doubt I'll ever use, and bought both while I was drunk.

I mean it's just as treacherous to be on the phone while drunk as it is to drive while drunk.

But it seems at times I cause more issues for self when at home and drunk, and lonely, and then so badly want to talk, so end up calling, sometimes people I actually hate and despise, just to have a conversation.

And then wake up and feel stupid about it like I do now.

[Admin]

Who or what made and designed man?

[Admin]

Just woke up

It's calm and I don't have to work today.

Last dream I had before waking up was being inside some large industrial work shop, with figures I use to know from the past, trying to repair a lawn mower, but lawn mower was way up in the rafters in the ceiling.

I tugged on a cord and it came crashing down, but oddly enough the blame went to whomever didn't secure the lawn mower, and not towards myself, then I woke up.

Then my mind played around with that scene some more where I imagined if indeed the people in the shop did get mad at me.
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I do that often, but in these re-imagined scenes, I always see myself as being some younger 'W' twinkish male, not a female but a younger 'W' soft girlish cute male who's the center of everyone's lust/attention/anger/fury.

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In real life cinema though, it's always just the oppossite, it's always a younger w female that everyone's lust/attention/anger and fury rotates around.

But in my own mind, I can better connect if it were a younger, cute looking, soft skinned w male, not a female, and that's how I project myself in all my re-imagined scenerio's.

Many people do that, but most don't share that they do that, in that there's the real physical 'us', and then there's the straw man version of us, or the other character in our mind we see ourselves as.

Maybe some see themselves, within their mind, as being more tougher than they really are, or the oppossite gender or color, or ect.

But with me, I always see myself on the inside, when play out imagined scenerios, as being a younger cute looking soft, playful but goofy w male.

I guess cause I feel of all people they are the most loved, where I was raised they were, and still are.

To be young, w, cute and male, one is like neutral, and can swing anyway, and are allowed a lot of expressive range within ones own gender.

And are beloved, people can still get upset at you, but deep down inside they still love what you are, and mainly non threatening.

But if a younger b male, you're simply hated and seen as a threat, by society at large.
And if young b male, one never eternalizes self as being 'cute', instead always told by society that you're ugly and ect.

There's a difference between gentle rage and hateful rage.

If a young w male one has gently rage shown against them at times.

If a younger b male, one has hateful rage shown against them.

The difference is this, if a younger cute looking white male, who looks girly, is confronted by the police, the police are way way way, less likely to resort to leathol interdiction.

But if a younger b male, the hatred towards such is so deep, that to a cop, it's like snuffing out a roach.

No room for love or understanding, just stomp it out, get rid of it, them, that creature, that roach.

So who'd ever want to eternalize themself as a human roach?

It's complex but it's really not.