Odd thoughts

[Admin]

As of late, I feel 'dead', as in directionless, lost, without a purpose or cause anymore.

And just about incapable of fermenting any relationship with anyone anymore, at least on a romantic level.
I'm so use to being alone now, I almost find solace in being alone.

Relationships with another, especially the opposite gender, are bumpy, rough and drain your emotions, and more times than not don't work out.

And so if remove 'romance' from the equation, what are you inviting in, trouble?

romance is not a driver, anymore, in whom I seek out, having romance with a human really just doesn't appeal to me anymore, therefore I'm always seeking out other traits in people that attract me to them.
Don't get me wrong, I still value attractive people, but just saying, just cause I find someone physically attractive doesn't mean I want to score with them.
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Anyways, I'm trying to go sober again, I think alcohol has really created a lot of confusion and misdirection in my life.

[Admin]

I no longer really care if people like me or not, I'm just past that.
I'm more used to people not liking me, and if someone did suddenly like me, I'd probably get suspicious.

[Admin]

Mirror mirror on the wall...

[Admin]

I feel really lonely right now and alienated from the world, in a way I just haven't in a very long time, if ever.
I need a plan, a mission, or another one.

This is the first time in a long time I just haven't had a life plan or mission, and is probably why I've been feeling so directionless as of late, which can lead to depression if not careful, and or even despair.

[Admin]

This may sound odd, but I think if you're a older single male, and continue to act/behave like a older single male, than you'll probably die off early, in that nature has no use for older single males without a purpose.

In nature, at least with some species, as soon as the male breeds, they perish, or die.
Like ants and bees and wasps, their whole colonies exists of females.

Or like how salmon male fish die, as soon as they mate, and there are other examples of this.

Not saying that's always the case with humans, but even with humans, females do tend to always outlive their husbands, boyfriends ect.
That could be because often times men marry or date women younger than them.


Anyways, this is the odd thought section, what did you expect?

[Admin]

Sometimes I just like wanna get fired...so I can live off of unemployment for about 3 months, I mean I got enough saved up.

[Admin]

When I die, I don't want a funeral



When I die, I don't want a funeral (I need to put that in my will before it's to late)
Why would I want a funeral, who would show up? No one would, so why let the world humiliate me one last time?

Not only that, but times have changed, society has changed.
The days of big families, where everyone lives close by, those day's are gone, at least for me, so why would I even burden others to fly or drive long distance for funeral.

No one would come to mine anyways, not married, no small feet's, who would show up?
No one, that's who, so no funeral for me.

No one cares about me now, why would they muster up tears after I was gone?
No funeral, I will put that in my will, but maybe I'll donate body to science instead.

[Admin]

I give myself a c- in this world, if that.
And I base that grade on what I could of been had I made better decisions when younger, or just been surrounded by more loving people, or friends, during my prime years.
My problem is/was, is that I was always alone, just never had a solid block of friends to bounce back and forth off of, as such I made a lot of poor decisions unwittingly so.

But that's no consulation now, now I'm just stuck with a deprepid meaningle life and existance.

[Admin]

I don't care if people like me, those I thought should, cause it just doesn't matter anymore to me, it's to late for them liking me to change anything.

[Admin]

Humans are monsters, for the most part.
It doesn't seem so when younger (depending on how raised), but those younger ties are blood ties, and not really love, that love wears off after a while, if not nurtured.

But in general, humans are monsters, just watch the news.