The many faces of depression explored here

[Admin]

PAIN can become a source of depression after a while, for sure.
Pain is very distracting.

I've been in pain lately, but I think it's do to parasitical invasion. I've been taking natural stuff for it, but seems to have stopped working.
The last thing I want to do is go to the doctor and have some stranger examine me.

Most doctors seem like uncaring dopes to me who only go by the 'book'....if it's not in their book, their oblivious to it, and to afraid to suggest anything else.

So you can easily end up wasting money on a doctor visit just for doctor to say 'duh, err, I can't find anything wrong with you, duh'

Oh well, I'll give body another day to cure itself, and if not I'll try to call a doctor who can help me.
I don't have medical, so I have to walk into walk in clinics, but that's all I need.

I'm a veteran, but have yet to ever visit a VA hospital.

I've been fortunate so far in that aspect.

[Admin]

Just got home from work and don't feel to enthused at all, nothing really made me happy today.
Wondering if it's cause I drank the previous 2 days when off, or I wonder if it's a combo of things?

I think it's a combo of things

1. Realizing just how utterly rigged life is, and that raw talent has zero to do with getting ahead, if those who are in positions to get you ahead don't.

2. The environment of the dull as job I have, no one to talk to at work, no one to life your spirits, no one to 'jive' with.

3. Spending a lot of money on something I love to do, broadcasting a radio show, but not seeing any results, as in people reaching out, or add revenue.

4. back seat car window broke, it didn't crack, but the motor that winds window up, it broke, and so now window won't rise, and so have to tape it up and now car looks all ghetto.

That, and I'm just getting older, and see nothing good over the horizon, that and Biden keeps messing America up, flooding nation with strange people by the millions who have a totally different set of values, their own history, ect.
Biden is trying to wipe America off the map.

so I guess it's just a combo of things that has me feeling 'flat' right now, not really sad, just emotionally flat.

[Admin]

Just having a moment where I feel like a real nobody.

And it's like I just don't have the drive or enthusiasm to make changes, as in new job, as in move, but where to?

Now days rent, the cost of living, is high everywhere, it's not like 10 years ago when could still get a decent 2 bedroom for under 800 or less.

[Admin]

You get to a point where you just realize how futile working for a wage is, when in your 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, and still working for a wage and still pretty much broke all the time.
You begin to realize what a lie you were told about how hard work pays off.....no it does't.

High wages, pays off, earning enormous income pays off, whether through crooked gains or not, that's what pays off, but working hard for a set wage? That's for mules, which most of us are.

[Admin]

I don't even like leaving my place now for nothing, I've seen the same people so many times, the same dull faces, no one sparks interest in me anymore, so there's nothing fun about going to the store, the bank, anywhere, leaving the place just feels like a dreadful chore now.

It don't matter how nice you look or feel, no one compliments you, it's like you're invisible, until seen as a threat.
I wish I'd never moved to this area, it's to urban, and urban people are bland and dull, no personalities, just come home and go straight inside, if you say 'hi' or 'hello', they get all suspicious.
Oh well.

[Admin]

If not careful, some of us can forget how to be happy

😑

If not careful, some of us, over time, can really forget how to be happy.
I think to be happy, as you age, you have to chop time down, your time, into managable blocks.
Sometimes those blocks may have to be hour by hour even...in order to not allow other things, worries, to come flooding in.

[Admin]

Dec 6, 2022 9:08:47 GMT Admin said:

If not careful, some of us can forget how to be happy

😑

If not careful, some of us, over time, can really forget how to be happy.
I think to be happy, as you age, you have to chop time down, your time, into managable blocks.
Sometimes those blocks may have to be hour by hour even...in order to not allow other things, worries, to come flooding in.

To me, as I age, happiness is just being left alone

[Admin]

It's not good waking up, or laying in bed before getting out of bed, and not having much to be happy about.

[Admin]

I'm only sitting up right now and writing cause body won't allow me to lay down any longer without lower back pain, in that seems if lay down in bed for longer than 10 hours, lower spine doesn't like that, at least if laying down flat.
I rarely lay in bed flat, normally legs are elevated to some degree or another but removed elevated part of bed structure, may move it back into thee bed later.

But ye, sometimes I wonder if I slept all the way through Monday, I'm assuming today is monday, but sure does seem like a long night period, or dark period.

I bet living in Alaska would really through me off, when they go through season where only get a few hours of daylight per 24 hour cycle.

Yesterday was probably my worst drab xmas ever, I sent out a few gifts, or ordered on Amazon, ect, but as usual I got none.

I feel like a switch inside of me has been turned off, like chemically.
We are simply chemical reactions, that's all our bodies are, walking chemical factories, and when one part of factory stops producing certain chemincal it effects or can, our moods, enthusiasm and ect, romance drive and so forth.

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But ye, I'm up now, not cause I want to be, but cause just can't lay down anymore do to lower spine, again after about 10 hours of laying down flat, I guess lower spine just doesn't like that, so I'm up, and now what?, my dreams were much more interesting than this being awake stuff.
This world will never yield anything for me, I know that now, I guess I just still pretend it might, just for morals sake.

[Admin]

Also, be careful about being pulled into other peoples or a person's own dark mood

People tend to be like black holes, they'll suck you into however they happen to be feeling at the time, thus don't get snared by another's dark ugly mood, behavior and or outlook on life.

And some people do so on purpose, that is love to spoil your mood by bringing you down to their dark spot.
People who do that are very selfish, and usually controlling, and if they see that you're happy, and they're not, they'll on purpose try to snare you with their own ugly dark mood, until you feel as bad as they do, as if you're the one responsible for their mood.

And then when you're down, they pretend they're up, and that it's you who has the mood problem...in other words games.
Avoid people like that like the plague.