The many faces of depression explored here

[easyrider]

My spirit feels absolutely dead right now on the inside, as in there's nothing there at all, I feel motivated and or moved to do absolutely nothing.

[Admin]

Health and cleansing go hand in hand

I saw a ____ in my place during the day, and so that sparked me to go out and buy a bunch of paper towels, cleaning detergent, ect

I want my place, the floors, behind the doors, ect, to be clean and disinfected.

I''ll do one room at a time, and even the walls will be wiped down.
Cleaning can be exhausting though...will have to pace self and do it over a few days.

[Admin]

I've been down all day, for some reason.
Sure I drank yesterday, after not for 5 days, but it feels like something else, like I'm picking up on something bad in the air, maybe something I said while drunk.
I call and say a lot of stupid things when drunk, out of loneliness, I suppose.
How do you cure loneliness?
You cure it by doing whatever you have to do to not feel lonely.

But when no one likes you, no one cares that you're lonely, when people don't like you, everything you do seems odd or creepy to them, but if they were isolated, they'd do the same.

Everyone is quirky.

I don't know.
Today wasn't a day I enjoyed very much.

[Admin]

My moral seems to have fallen lately.
Sure, there are some life changes occurring, but it was suppose to be a better time, with less stress.

Maybe I feel so slothy cause I'm just bored and without a cause right now.

For a while, I finally thought I'd met 'the right one', but nah, that didn't work out, I walked away.
It's not so much who you meet now, but rather who they hang around, that you have to worry about.
And now days, people on the streets are on drugs, ect, you don't want someone who knows those types of people, in your life.
Cause the minute something goes wrong, they know where you live, can rob/steal from you, ect.

Their pedigree just wasn't right to or for me, maybe if I was homeless and had nothing to lose, but I do have a little something to lose and just don't feel like inviting drama into my life.

[Admin]

That mood you're in when you just know, feel like, you've lost



That mood you fall into when you just know you can't win, when you're certain destiny is against you, at least in a favorable way.
And when the forces that are holding you back or sabotaging your path, stay ever just out of your way, which makes it worse, cause then you have no one to confront.

Either way, it's a eerie mood to fall into.

[Admin]

Continued from above...⬆️⬆️⬆️

Yep, I just feel defeated right now, like nothing will ever work out.
It's just a mood that has settled upon me over the last few hours.
I wonder if drinking has something to do with it?
But I've drank before and not felt this way.

It's all about chemical balance, we're chemical factories, so if feeling so dire and hopeless right now, probably means lacking in certain nutrients.
It can indeed be that simple sometimes.

[Admin]

I never thought my life would turn out like it has.
I mean from the surface, sure, all seems fine, I have a job, a place to stay, I never get in trouble with the law.
From the surface, it seems like a clean normal life, but when dig deeper, it's not.

It's a life of under achievements, unfulfilled dreams, no family, no friends, and quickly losing hunger for anything anymore.

Yet I'm still here, and not really sure why.
Always waiting on that one 'OK, this is why I was born', moment, but it never seems to come with me, instead I've been asking self lately 'if this is all there is to my life, why was I born?'.

I don't know, I know moods can take us to dark places if we're not careful, that I do know.

[Admin]

When you feel like your place in the world really just no longer matters.

[Admin]

Most will never understand what it's like to be in a world where you have no ones hand to metaphorically hold.

[Admin]

I think love and attraction really are the only things that make sense in this world.
I mean if denied love and attraction, what is it you really have?