The many faces of depression explored here

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The many faces of depression explored here



The many faces of depression explored here, and anyone who says they don't, or can't, or are invincible to getting depressed, they're either lying, or blessed with social mechanisms in life which prevent them from ever approaching such a place.

That being stated, let us begin.

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Oblivion is what depresses some or many, the idea that soon self will be obliterated from everything when dead or dying.

What we do before that obliteration determines our state of being while alive.

The more we accomplish in life while alive, the more we're OK with being obliterated, cause at least we know we've left behind markers (although if dead that won't even matter if can't remember you were alive), but still while alive that's what provided comfort, is why Presidents so obscessed with 'Legacy building'.

Is why Parents take such care in raising their small feet's, legacy, is why Grandparents who have small feet's and grandsmall feet's, are happier than those who do not, do to 'legacy', the leaving behind of self.

But when have none of that, I do think it's easier to fall into different depressive states as you get old.
Some will disagree and say people, regardless of their place in society or income level or accomplishments still do fall into depression for internal reasons only they know, that's true to also....but will focus on what 'we' know, rather than speculating on what we don't know.

And we do know people who accomplish more are generally less likely to become depressed.

Where as those who feel they have unfulfilled potential, the 'I could of been if only' types, as age, irrelivance and death approaches, face their own unique mental hardships.

Particulalry when you, I, they, watch people with 1/10 the enthusiasm, or talent, creativity, propelled to the forefront simply do to pedigree, or belonging to this group or that group, or even simply even from being guided better, when younger, and so made smarter moves that put them in better place years later...any number of reasons, but there they are, the same hollowed soul you remember from years ago, only now they're in a position to effect so many in a much more positive way, but they don't.

Where as you could, but can't, cause don't have wide enough platform.

\It's like no matter how loud you scream, you can't be heard, yet they just 'show up', and by default millions get to see them, but they say nothing, for to them it's just a position..no soul at all.

Happens all the time.

One example, many more to follow.

I suddenly feel very drowsy, back in a bit.

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I should of had fun last night, alone, my time to be creative, get caught up on stuff, but instead slept through most of the night, and early morning cause fell into drowsiness, but not a healthy type of drowsiness, more like a 'at something bad' type of drowsiness.

Nothing I could do about it, slept through most of my off time even though had wonderful surprise yesterday when showed up to work just to find out didn't have to work.

Now days gotta be careful what we, I, eat, could of been a number of things or the wrong combo of things...

1. Hershey's chocolate bar?
2. Old bag of tea, like very old, in combo with chocolate bar?
3. Gatorade in combo with the above?

I mean who knows, I think it was the old tea myself, maybe if tea sits to long, it's chemical compasition changes.

Who knows, I just know I blew a perfectly good very rare end of October Friday night and early morning sleeping, but sleep bought on be bacteria or something.

It was a scary type of drowsiness, like weak heart type of drowsiness, as if 'let go' than wouldn't wake up type of drowsiness.

So many ways the body can be attacked now days, and I never go to the Doctor, I just try to figure things out on my own, eliminate what I think is harming body or health., but still, just one mistake or one item of food or dish, that' tainted, and you suffer.

If my immune wasn't as good and decent as it is, who knows.

But even so, I still sometimes have body aches, I think it's the tea, I need to throw it all out do to how old it's been up there.
Or maybe it's caffeine body no longer can process.

I don't know, I just know I wasted away a otherwise wonderful very rare, once a year, October Friday night and early morning, and for that I feel a bit bummed out.

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I think man is what's killing us.
I mean you alter your diet, try to stay away from death food, and then 'man', keeps figuring out ways to inject 'death ingredients' into healthy foods, by modifying them.

Making them taste 'better', by adding harmful un natural flavorings and all..all for profit.

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Physically my health is decent, but on the inside, not feeling very happy or cheery right now, not sure why.

To many ups and downs lately emotionally maybe, maybe has to do with finding out your last and only parent left is not healthy, and going through all the emotional ups and downs, and then realizing even if not as bad as thought, life is still short and what does it all matter anyways, and then not having anyone to confide in just makes it all feel worse.

Knowing that when I walk out of these doors today for work, not a soul could care the less about anything going on within me, instead just 'cast' as usual stereotype by whomever and everyone else.

No understand, no one wants to understand you, every one's fearful of you, so they put up a wall, I mean unless some younger person who looks cute and fem, people just dismiss you as being bad, or potentially bad.

I guess I just feel nothing matters right now, and the prospect of losing the only one left on the planet that I do matter to, just seems extra gloomy to me.

So I guess that's what I'm dealing with on the inside right now.

Maybe going to work, in a few hours, and just moving around, will snap me out of this gloomy mood, I hope so.

Cause have been off for like 4 days, and alcohol was my therapy.

If I one the lottery, I'd just totally withdraw form the world, or maybe I wouldn't, cause another reason for my gloomy mood is the fact that not super wealthy, therefore my 'powers' are limited.

I hate only being able to help people with words and not with action, that in and of itself is attributing to my current gloomy mood.

But moods come and go, and hopefully I'll get over this gloomy mood soon.

[Admin]

Depression is odd, it's even more odd when you look at another who seems to have everything you want, yet they're more depressed than you are, as in suicidal depressed.

So that means depression is totally a interpersonal thing, and is not standard, in that no to people are really depressed over the same thing.

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I don't feel happy at all right now, now sad, I just don't feel happy.
What occurred a few days ago is still looming in me.

What occurred?

I was drunk and called people I shouldn't of or wouldn't of, and pretended I liked them, then called a Realtor, and said I wanted to buy a house, then called a touring company to book a flight tour, and have already paid for it, and even invited another to come along.
I would not have done any of this had I not been drunk, so now that sober it's as if someone else was acting in my behalf.

The texted older relative some jarring stuff, just verbal sparring type stuff, no big deal, but again if wasn't drunk would not have done any of it.

It's amazing how much crap you can get into while drunk, sitting at home, and just by using the telephone.

[Admin]

Lifes basically about getting attention for ones self.

Everyone wants attention. When younger, attention is given to use cause society says it should be, we still have potential in the eyes of others, but when older, it's harder and harder to get that same default attention unless of course have your own nuclear family circle.
But if single, and older, it's hard to get that attention, no one thinks you have any value, at least in my life circle, outside of work, I really have zero value to anyone.

It's weird existing in a society of 300 + million and not having value to a single soul.

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Not everyone is alone like I am, I mean when I'm at work I see motorcycle clubs on highway, cars packed with 2 or more people, families, going places, theme parks full and packed, so I think I'm a minority when it comes to having such a empty life compared to others.

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And I help people out with real life type help, money, or gifts ect.
Yet I write a book, a ebook, and not a single sale, the same people I help out can't help me out by simply looking at or buying stuff I sometimes try to sell online, talk about selfish.

But I'm cursed to have such types around me, I need a better stream or flow of souls to be around, I'm good to others, generous to others, yet I get none of the generosity back.