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Post by Admin on Nov 23, 2023 3:52:59 GMT
I've kind of fallen into a post trip slump. I visited my aging Mother, went back to the town I was raised in, it was both sad and other.
But now I feel like 'what's left'?? They're getting older, still spunky but visibly older, I'm getting older, where are the good days now?
I have no ____ of my own, so what do i have to look back on to make me happy? When they're gone, that's it...nothing is left...and I guess that thought or idea is hitting me harder than I thought.
I have no immediate solution, and I can't keep drinking to pretend everything is good, or will be.
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Post by Admin on Nov 23, 2023 3:55:30 GMT
Like right now, I'm off, off work that is, but there's no 'spunk', there was yesterday, cause I was drinking, but there's none now...and it's to late at night for coffee or caffeine, so I'm just stuck feeling the way I feel. Love, being love, gives you a natural high, but when you lack that, where do you get that natural high from?
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Post by Admin on Dec 26, 2023 22:37:22 GMT
it's also a bit depressing knowing I can't save money like I used to cause prices, rent, everything keeps going up. And I'm not willing to kill myself, or my body, working extra hours or some job I hate, just to pay basic bills...not at my age...so I'll have to figure out a different route going forward.
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Post by Admin on Jan 3, 2024 16:35:59 GMT
I've got no reason to get out of bed today, none.
I don't see no light, seems every direction is dark...I just don't see any light, as of now.
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Post by Admin on Jan 3, 2024 16:37:19 GMT
But also learning emotions do no good, emotions just drain you. Emotions are wonderful when you're happy, surrounded by love, but when alone and abandoned, emotions can really harm you, work against you.
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Post by Admin on Feb 12, 2024 21:15:21 GMT
When you lose motivation
When you lose motivation, life can begin to feel really heavy.
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Post by Admin on Feb 13, 2024 4:05:40 GMT
What scares me the most right now, is the idea of getting older, and just living just to get by. My creative side is such an important part of who I am, but you need to be in a stable environment to do so.
The side the world sees when I show up to work isn't all of me, and I don't really like that side...I mean I do, but it bugs me that people can't see I'm much more than that.
I don't want my creative side to ever die, my creative side is what keeps my spirit alive....not that I've ever made money from my creative art, and it's many forms...but still.
I fear just turning into some mundane older worker who's lost their 'shine'.
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